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The fall after Scott died I decided to sell all our baby items at a consignment sale. I knew of a local moms group that had one every year. My plan was to take any money we made and put it toward a family vacation something fun for us to do and be happy doing. The rule with this sale was if you didn't help a the sale you would be charge 15% of your profit. I contacted the person in charge and they made an exception for me. Now just the thought of me selling this stuff was very hard and emotional. I asked my SIL, mom, and good friend Denise if they would be willing to price all the items for me. I bought everything they needed such as the safety pins, labels etc. Just doing that made me very emotional and close to melting down. So my mom,Sil, and friend spent all day one Saturday pricing items while my soon to be new SIL took me out to lunch and to get my nails done. My brothers and dad took Mike and Colin out for guy stuff. The day of the sale they took everything over for me. I was grateful....words can express how grateful I was. To this day 3 years later there are certain baby outfits I can picture in my head that Colin wore as a baby and Scott would have worn. I can tell you what color they were, what was written on the shirts. There is one outfit I could not part with and that was Colin's baptism outfit to this day it sits in a closet in my house hanging all by itself. Right before scott was born I started planning his baptism festivities. I was thinking about the family that would be coming into town, the food we would have etc. I never got to do any of that. We had a funeral instead...maybe that's why I couldn't part with it...I'm really not sure.
Anyway fastforward to 3 years later. My brother gets married in a few weeks! They have been storing a lot of stuff in my parents basement. Today I was helping my future SIL sort through her bins stored in the basement. A lot of the stuff was stored in the bins that had held all the babies clothes. I don't care that the bins we reused those darn things are expensive it was just a moment of being caught off guard seeing a bin with 3 -6 months clothes written on it. But the real kicker was the one baby item that still existed in one of the bins. That once again moment of surprise when opening my brothers bin of hats and seeing the NY Giants onesie he had bought my oldest son. It had the tag from the sale still pinned on it. those flood of memories of that time. But I'm glad that my brother kept it. Maybe one day he will have a baby and his baby can wear it. I think that is why he pulled it from the pile. Just wish he would have taken the price tag off it.
It's those moments when your just going through life, living it when something smacks you in the face with a reminder of what should have been and what happened.
Those moments . . . so difficult. In a way, neat that your brother kept that one particular onesie. It was sentimental to him as well:) I'm sorry for the unexpectedness. I guess it usually happens like that.
Sending you hugs and real ones soon,
Those moments. They hit right in that spot that never truly heals- how could it. I too thought how nice that he kept an outfit and yes perhaps one day one of Scott's cousins to be will wear it and all will think of him.
Definitely hard to do..... Those moments are so hard to get others to understand too. That's why I'm so thankful for share Your Story!!!
Our bodies seem to respond with the same amount of intensity to the emotions associated with the baby clothes. They are so small and precious. I hope that the baptism outfit will bring you a sense of that love you feel for Scott.
Those unexpected moments can sometimes be the most difficult. Thinking of you!
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