My husband and I have not really attended any social functions were it hasn't included mostly family or close friends since Scott was born. We found it was just easier not to put ourselves in situations were we would have to explain things especially since it was all too fresh for us to really want to discuss it with people we really didn't know. Well today we attended our first social function since Scott has passed away. A childhood friend of mine had a end of summer cookout. I even had a conversation with pregnant lady without feeling the need to burst her bubble we just talked about general things not involving her pregnancy. We were even okay being around my friends niece who was born a couple months before Scott. Things were going well and we were once again finding that sometimes you just build things up in your head to be worse than they really are. and then the conversation started....always a but it seems....My friend is someone who I grew up with and have known forever. Her parents know everything that happened to us. Well we are sitting with some people and my friends mom starts asking the lady who is pregnant all these questions about her pregnancy. My husband and I are sitting right there. Then the conversations goes into how she has had some extra testing going on because of something that popped up on the sonogram. but it's seems good now and then she's saying how things will be good now. They are talking about every bit of pregnancy from doctors to hospitals, to pregnancy symptoms. My husband looks at me and then gets up and walks away shaking his head.( this was a HUGE step for him to attend a social function he is still working through being around a lot of people) At this point I go into my wanting to bust someone's bubble mode so keep sitting there waiting to be invited into the conversation...Mike comes over and gets me to walk away. Now in any other situation it wouldn't have irked me as much if it wasn't someone who knew what happened and was there getting updates through our journey. I could maybe had said maybe they just didn't think but I had just had a conversation with her earlier about everything that had happened and how we were doing.
My husband put it best driving home you don't talk about something like cancer when someone is next to you dying from it...yet it doesn't seem the case when someone has lost a baby especially when some time has passed.
Oh gosh, you are so brave to get out there as a couple. I wish you could have been given the space you so deserved without having to endure such conversation. So many other topics that could've been mentioned like the weather or sports or ANYTHING else. You did good by getting up and outta there. I've stayed sitting listening to hurtful conversation and have regretted it. Your husband put it best. Again, just sorry it unfolded that way.
I think that your husband really described it perfectly. People really do seem to be so much more respectful of someone who is suffering from an illness than of someone who has lost a baby. We all seem to be the outcasts of society for some reason. People just seem to think that our children are less important because they didn't live as long or something so its OK to just rush things along when it comes to when we should be over it. Its very infuriating at times. I have really just learned to ignore I guess. I am not sure if this is the best response or not but I can't help it. Otherwise I would go crazy from all of the insensitive remarks. I think when things were as fresh as they are for you this was not as easy to do but now five years later it is getting easier. I hope that your friends mother will realize the mistake she made and how hurtful the words she said were and hopefully apologize.
Wow- kudos to your husband for finding just the right words. It was big to have gone out together to a social function with so many unknowns. I remember our trepidation at doing the same.
We're all right here with you,
I think I still dread social situation even 7 years later! I love how your husband put it! Some people just don't get it and never will. Sending hugs and glad you were able to make it through all that without "bursting any bubbles" ! HUgs dear friend!
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