I stopped by Scott's grave the other day. I hadn't been awhile. We have never taken C to the his grave site we are waiting till he is a little older to take him. so it's hard to find time to go when C isn't with me.
All I have to do is be standing at his headstone and the tears will immediatly fall. After visiting a few minutes and talking to him i got back in the car and called my husband and told him where I was at. I also told him how visiting his grave also seems to help me. I work so hard to live my life and to live through the heartache and sadness of not having him here that sometimes I worry that I'm not missing him as I should. ( if this makes any sense it's hard to put in words) but when I got to his grave site and I immediatly feel the release of tear it's a reminder to me that he will always be my son and always have a piece of my heart. That I can live my life without always feeling the sadness and crying. it's like it reconfirms that I do really miss him and always will no matter where life takes me.
and it sometime just feels good to visit him and have a good cry.
I completely understand your fear that you aren't missing Scott enough. Grief is such a personal thing, though and we all have to remember that however we grieve, it is right for us. I'm so glad you got to go to his grave and be in a place where you can let your tears flow and remember how much you do love your sweet boy.
We all know that you will never, ever stop loving him.
Thinking of you,
I don't understand the loss of a child, but I did lose my brother. There were times that I would realize my happiness and feel instant guilt because he wasn't here to be a part of it and how was I not remembering that he was gone and feeling bad about it. You know he will always be your son, always be that part that aches but remember you loved him and he loved you.
There is a good in having the time to sit and cry over it and you need that time. Just keep in mind that you do need to enjoy your life with the family you have here because in Heaven there isn't the feeling of loss, pain, sadness or being apart from family just pure happiness and your son would want you to be full in your life.
You are in my prayers dear and in my heart!
I am glad that you were able to have some alone time to visit his grave. It does feel so good to release the tears and have that good cry. You will forever be connected to your angel. He's your son and I know you're missing him terribly. I am the same where I get busy with life and then feel some guilt, but I know that I always carry him in my heart.
Yes - I definitely understand what you are saying in wanting to feel some of that pain. It can feel unnatural and strange to move on and be happy in life when someone who was (and still it is, just in a different way) supposed to be a big part of it is not physically present. I can say that time and work has improved that somewhat for me, but having said that, there are still times where I need to lean into the pain that lurks underneath the surface.
I'm glad that you had a tender moment visiting Scott and that you let it out.
Lots of love,
Yes sometimes a good cry is needed. You will always miss your sweet Scott and even though the days aren't filled with grief like they were in the beginning doesn't mean we love them any less. I believe they would want us to be happy and find the Joy that is out there after you lose a child. I believe with all my heart that Sweet Scott know very much just how much his mommy loves and misses him!
Hugs to you!
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