MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Living my new normal

Thankful

Last year the thought of being Thankful for anything just made me sad, angry and depressed.  How could I be thankful when Scott was not here with us?  How could I find good in any of this and have any positive thoughts when my baby was dead?    Needless to say Thanksgiving was not a good one for me last year.

This year I am in a better place with myself and realize that although Scott is not here and we still miss him and love him there are things to be thankful for.  I am thankful for the love and support that surrounds us by those who truly care about us.  My friends, my family. 
Losing Scott was indescribably there are no words to accurately describe how I felt.  Yet my friends and family stepped up and surrounded us with their love.   They still do today. 
So what is it I’m thankful for this year:
My son C and is silliness, thoughtfulness, and singing.
My husband for being my rock and being by my side through it all.  This could have broken us instead it made us stronger.
Scott he will always be a part of my heart.  
Elvis-this puppy has filled a gap in our house.  How nice it is to hear C playing and laughing with someone while I am getting things done around the house.
My siblings and their spouses.   On my wedding video they interviewed guests and my brother is on there saying, “If you ever need anything I am there for you.”   His words were put into action this past year.  He and my other brother were there every step of the way even taking off of work to babysit and do other things.
My SIL I remember sitting next to me on my parents couch when everything was beginning to fall apart and we had gotten the news that Scott was not going to get better.   She just took my hand and held it.  She didn’t say a word just sat there and held me hand.
My other SIL took me out for snowballs.  It was a hot day and it tasted good.  Got me out of the house.  After everything and I was trying so hard to function she took me out and we got pedicures.
On Scott’s 1st birthday I got a text from brother.  It just had a smiley face.  His way of saying I’m thinking about you.  More was said in that than any words.
My parents…I can’t say how much they came through.  Babysitting C, being the house were people called for updates, dropped off food.  Planning Scott’s funeral because I refused to do it.   All this they did while not only grieving for their grandson but for their daughter as well.
Then my friends the ones that I can truly say are friends.   Just being there with food, hugs, listening.
I had a good friend who moved across the country right after Scott passed.  Talk about bad timing!  She emails me today and tells me she is making our MOD team a quilt to raffle off.  Quilts are a lot of work yet here she is doing it for me.
My friends who not only contributed money but came and spent a day digging up my yard and planting a butterfly garden in memory of Scott.
My Share friends how it helps to know that there are people out there who truly get it.  Who get it when you are thinking or saying, or doing those “crazy” things.  Who get the sadness that will wash over you out of the blue.
So there are things to be thankful for and I continue to be so touched by the kindness and thoughtfulness of our friends and family. 

  • I am so glad that you have found things and people in your life to be thankful for. Adjusting to life after the loss of a child is like learning how to live life all over again. There are so many monumental adjustments that have to be made. I am glad that you have people in your life that understand those adjustments and will sit there and just hold your hand and not speak. Or send you a text to let you know they are there. We on Share are lucky to have you too. :) Hoping to see some more pictures of Elvis soon.

    Jami

  • I am glad that you are thankful for so many things. I imagine that last Thanksgiving was extremely hard, with everyone else seeming so thankful while your world had just fell apart. Your family and friends sound wonderful.

    I'm very thankful that you found this site, I look forward to reading all of your posts.

    Leigh

  • It can definitely take time after a loss to be able to see the things that we are thankful for.  I'm glad that you are in a better place this year.  I have always been thankful for Marco, though when the grief is new and intense, I guess it's hard to look at it that way - all you can think about is the sadness and how broken everything feels.  Anyway - I don't know when I had this epiphany - but it did finally dawn on me over the years that I am really so thankful for him - though he is not here with us in body.  I would much rather have him as we do now, as our angel baby, than to not have ever had him at all.  

    Hugs,

    Libby