Living my new normal

The film reel

  • I have tears as I gaze upon your sweet Scott and that precious Peanut Butter bear.  Your son is so beautiful and I'm so glad that you have these photos.  The first angelversary was very difficult as I was still playing it all moment by moment in my head, the days leading up to our loss.  My therapist told me the same thing.  I felt relief when it finally came and every year since, we try to do something as a family on that day.

    I love your plans for the Zoo:)  This is a huge step.  It could be challenging as there obviously will be families, but you can decide to make those left and right turns . . . oops got to make a quick turn to see the zebras.  C might say, "But mommy you said elephants."  "ZEBRAS!"  I use humor to get through most days.

    Happy 4th Birthday to your son C!  It's so okay to be over the top.  I'll be thinking about you and your sweet Scott in the days and weeks ahead.

    All my best,


  • Hello,

    I read your blog, and I can remember being annoyed with those kinds of things too. The shirts, the decals... Heck, I'm still annoyed. And it will be 3 years on June 7 since I lost Lawrence. I still have the random memories too, right around the time that he was born and died. So you're not alone with that.

    I don't think you're being too ambitious with wanting to go to the zoo. Why don't you let yourself feel sad when it happens? I know no one WANTS to feel sad, but does it ever help a bit if you just have a good cry?

    I know everyone is different though, so I don't want to tell you how to grieve. I just have anxiety too, to the point where I'm taking medication for it now. And I still have times where I just need to let myself be sad.

    But I do hope you have a fun visit to the zoo, and a peaceful June 3 Nothing wrong with being happy.

    Erin P

  • I think that the days leading up the the actual day itself are the worst (aka "The storm"). The day her day in my case is actually rather peaceful and calm. There is no crying usually except maybe at night when the day is over. We are usually together as a family and I don't typically take to many calls or texts except from my Share friends so I think that a day at the zoo seems like a good day. Maybe don't tell C about the plans though just in case you wake up that morning and just don't quite feel up to it though. Like Erin said everyone does grieve differently. I will be thinking of you over the next few weeks.