I'm not sure if I will do a good job articulating this well but will try. One of the biggest affects of losing Scott for me is the guilt of not giving C a living sibling. Family is very important to me I come from a big family and have two of the best brothers a girl can ask for. They literally dropped everything when everything was happening with Scott and was there for us 110%. They took off work to watch C, they sat in the hospital with us, they did a marathon clean out of my house of all baby things the day we were making decisions about Scott's life. They are awesome. I feel sad for C that he will never have that. and on top of that he has no first cousins on my side of the family and the only one on my huband's side he has no relationship with. which I have written about all that drama. So it makes me sad, and feel guilty that one day life will smack him hard and he won't have his sibling or cousins to lean on. Now I know that just because you have siblings and cousins it doesn't mean you will be close with them or be able to count on them.( I see living examples of that with my husband's family) But it would be nice to have known that maybe he could have if he had this in his life.
We have a futon in our book room which was placed there for family on the husband's side when they visit. No one in his family has ever used it. and I realize now never will. But others have. Our friend Rebecca has used it. C's friend used it last week because her mom had to work late and her dad was out of town. She will use it again this week. and I realized when covering up C's friend the other night that this bed wasn't meant for "official" family. It was meant for those friends who are like family. and I realized that C will have people in his life he can count on. It will be the people he gets to chose to be in his life those friends that you make connections with that you would drop anything for to help when they need you. The realization that we have that now. That C is already seeing you it doesn't have to be family that you are born to that can be important in your life. That friends can be like family and just as important. That you can count on friends too.
I miss a lot not having the experience of raising two kids. But I get those experiences when I watch my friends children. Then they come and spend the entire day with us or the night. It fullfills something for me and it makes me happy to be able to do it for my friends. It makes me happy to show C about kindness,generosityby he observing us doing it.
and deep down I do know that C is going to do okay in life that he may not have what I had but he will still have people he can count on in his life.
I'm glad I'm not the only one with the thoughts of our only living child having to deal with life alone! I think about that a lot, and pray that she'll have close friends and/or a spouse who will be there for her with complete understanding of her heart!! You're right....sometimes friends are more family than family is!!
I've heard the saying before that "friends are the family you choose." I like that saying because I think it is very true. We don't have any family in town so we value the friendships created. And yes, sounds like your futon is getting put to great use and will have many more sleepovers to come! We got a futon as well for that purpose and I love every time we need to pull it out!
Lovely post, Nicki. My parents have a couple whom they have been friends with for many years now. They are basically family. They call them "Fris" and "Fro" for Frister and Frother - as in friend sister and friend brother. :)
Technically, I have two half brothers and one half sister. I talk to my brothers sporadically but haven't seen either in a long time. I haven't seen or spoken to my sister in about 4 years. In practice, I have at least 3 brothers and 2 sisters, all that I met in college and have stayed close with for 10 years now. We don't see each other as much as we like, but we always show up when it really counts. She calls all of my friends her Uncle ____ and Aunty_____.
Sometimes I feel the same way, that Abbey is missing out on having siblings, but then just a few days ago, when driving back from our friends' house, who have two girls she plays with she said, "..they aren't a part of our family but they are just like our family....;" its crazy when a 6 year old can figure something out that is so profound and beyond their years. I also love how something as simple as an object for sleeping can put everything in perspective.
Love and Hugs
Friends are the family we choose. You've given C such a strong foundation of what connection and true compassion is. I have no doubt as he grows that he will be surrounded by caring individuals.
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