MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Living my new normal

the preschool visit

My son will be starting preschool next year. I am not at all looking forward to it. I have been at home with Colin for the past 4 years. We have done everything together and now he is going off to school. but as a mom and a teacher I know that preschool will be good for him. It's hard for me because if life would have worked out as planned (hahahah) I should be home caring for Scott and doing special things with him while C is in school. Instead I get left with an empty nest and not looking forward to it. Back in the fall I was already dreading him going to school before realized all I had to do was find a preschool, sign him up and then I don't have to think about it till the next fall. so that's basically what I've been doing. He's signed up I did what I needed to do for the time being. self preservation. It has helped that I have found the March of Dimes and they want me to start volunteering and I already have plans for next years team. ( yeah something to do while he is in school) so as I have just let things be I am having things come my way that should make it a little easier or so I have been telling me self Then we took C to visit his new school. C is a child that likes to scope things out and get a feel for them before he "jumps" in and does things. I knew that I needed to take him to see his new school before they let out for summer. I planned a visit and made sure Dad could come too. ( good thinking on my part) Let me just say I never knew just how much your brain will do what it has to do to protect you until going through everything we have with Scott. The day of the school visit came and my brain decided to just power down. It decided that instead of dealing with the emotions of anxiety or sadness it would just not function at normal capacity. It was like I was in a fog and could not function properly. I was backing out of my parking spot leaving the school and didn't even bother to look for cars coming. Luckily the parent driving through the lot at that time saw me and stopped before I backed into her. All I could think was this school is going to think I'm crazy! Luckily I have some friends sending their kids there so they can vouch for me. Any hope of being able to look forward to the fall is gone after seeing how I coped with just a visit. so dad has already been told that C first day of school he will be there so that when I go into whatever weird state my brain decides to I have support/help. Once again just learning to live this new normal and functioning on some days really sucks!

  • Big Hugs to you reading this post. There are so many steps to navigate on this journey to the "new normal". Unfortunately there is no handbook and there is no way to know when those new steps are going to pop up. I also volunteer with my local March of Dimes office and I've found it to be such a wonderful to honor my daughters memory. Something about helping to ensure that no other family has to endure what my family has endured brings me comfort.

    Next year when C starts school we will all be here. On your best and worst days. The situation you described in the parking lot has happened to me before. At my daughter school as a matter of fact. Leaving your child in someone else's care after suffering a loss is very difficult. Many of us have been there.

    Hugs,

    Jami

  • It is so hard to let them grow up.  To have to deal with grief on top of that is even harder.  I'm glad you've got a good support system in place to help you deal with first day of school issues.

    Like Jami said, we're here to remind you that you're not alone, you're not crazy, you can do this.

    Thinking of you,

    Tommie

  • I'm sure that it's got to be hard thinking about Colin going to preschool, especially with everything you have been through.

    It takes time and is so hard to find your new normal.  I know that foggy feeling.  One day at a time.

    Hugs,

    Libby