so I got the Funk back and I really hate it! I really hate that this is what my life has become that any change causes me to go into a "tailspin" I should be looking forward to some one on one time with Scott while C is in school
It started with the usual "funk" that one gets when coming back to reality after a fun vacation. Then on top of that trying to overcome jet lag, then I caught a bad cold. and then knowing that my little guy starts school in a couple of weeks. It's all adding up to to make me just lethargic and down. I don't want to to get out of bed in the morning. I have to push myself to want to do anything, I hate it. The desire to just curl up in bed or on the couch and lay there all day...
It's also making me feel like a horrible mom because C is getting nervous about school. Then to top it off he knows that mommy is not herself ,he watched me go through this last summer/fall. So i feel like I'm stressing him out more. It doesn't help that we have no sort of routine right now because our new school one hasn't started yet and with vacation and holidays the old one has went out the window. I thrive on routines it helps me.
Oh and too top it off my therapist who I should have seen this past Friday and have been seeing since everything that happened with Scott is out on medical leave indefinetly and may not be back. When my husband called the counseling center he got the impression she won't be back...so I get to start seeing a new therapist and the first available appt was next week. we'll see how that goes...so even that one constant of every other Friday we see our therapist is no longer... that has changed too.
I just want this funk to go away but it's hard to just make it go away I know it eventually will...Not only is C going to school contributing to this but the fact that a new chapter in my life is starting and I don't know what it is I'm suppose to do. I am so thankful that I was able to be a SAHM. In college I always said that i could never be a SAHM blah blah...and I end up doing it and loving it. I love being there for my family and that one of us is always there and that we aren't all stressed at who is going to be home who, is watching C. I loved that I was going to get to do it with Scott and now I can't. I have no clue what to do with my life...I don't know what I want to be or where I would like to work or get for a job. I know my husband isn't expecting me to go right back to work now or even when C starts school full time I know it's something I need to start figuring out....I do have some ideas but I'm also got the funk bad enough that I;m talking myself out of looking into things and have that, "What's the point" thoughts going through my head.
so it's just all these changes and the fact that I'm really going to MISS C. Even if it's only 3 hours in the Am for 3 days. He's been my buddy everyday for 4 years
I just feel as if our life as been turned upside down once again not as bad as the summer of 2012 but the life we have created and adapted to since then which has worked for us is once again being turned on it's head and I just need some constant. I hate that I only had a year of my new normalcy before it getting taken away.
So I recall reading someone developing the Funk B-gone spray. How is that coming? I would like to buy a case.
Oh gosh, huge hugs to you! I'm sorry you're falling into the funk again, especially those first days when back in the funk make it so hard to get through your days in one piece. I hope that C's return to school isn't too tough on your heart. Is there anything you could do to keep yourself busy while he's gone? Like a new hobby or something to fill that space of the should have beens? Many hugs to you!
So So sorry that the funk has returned. There is nothing worse than getting stuck in the funk. I know that in two years when Keira leaves me to go to school it is going to be very difficult for me as well. When you've been primarily a stay at home mom for so long its hard to try and re-define who you are or what you want to be after that. Especially when who you are has changed so dramatically. I hope that you know that we are all here for you and hopefully after SU you will feel like you are in a different place. Sending you lots of hugs.
That was me....still working on the spray!! I'm so sorry that those UGH feelings are swarming around you. It's tough to get past those feelings when they're swallowing you up. Sending hugs to you and I'll definately let you know when the spray is ready.
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