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I went with a friend today to a dollar movie that our local theater offers during the summer. They play movies that are no longer in the theater a couple times a week and parents can take their children for a fun cheap summer treat. My friend was joking on facebook that she was going to go see Annie today by herself since schools don't let out till Friday. I told her we should go it would be fun. So we went and saw Annie without the kids. Halfway through the movie Annie had a shirt on that had a butterfly. For whatever reason that was the time that memories decided to sucker punch me and I realized at that moment in a dark theater that today would have been the day my husband and I made the most horrible decision of our lives to take Scott off of life support. I got teary eyed ,dwelled on it for a few moments and then the moment passed.
Yesterday I had the same thing when changing my profile pic to a picture of Scott. When it prompts you to upload or take a new pic. I got mad, sad, wistful because it was that realization that I can't take a new pic of Scott. I never will be able too. I have the same handful of pics to look at. There will never be any new ones.
it's those "sucker Punches' that come out of the blue that I hate the most. The ones you aren't prepared for. Friday is my bad day. It's the the day Scott died, the day I planned his funeral, and the day that I saw him and held him for the last time. I really hate June 19. But I have learned that if I sit at home that I get way to emotional being left to dwell on the day. So I always figure out something to do. it's the last day of school so I first have to get the kid out the door. Then I am meeting my friends for breakfast. Since it is a half day we all plan on meeting in the afternoon for swimming. It's distractions what I need to survive that day.
We had a cookout this past weekend to celebrate all the summer birthdays in the family there are a lot and Father's day. It helps to take the edge off for mike since this date last year was Father's day when we made our decision. So we called it our Everything celebration and had a great time. I also invited a few close friends over and their families. On my buffet in the dining room I had put the cake and a happy birthday sign. I put a framed picture of Scott next to the cake so he could be included as part of the party. What I loved is that everyone there understood and no one commented negatively on it. They just made Scott part of our celebration. I'm getting more comfortable being able to do things like that as time passes. and it feels good to to do so. I have included a picture of this. and yes that is an army cake the 6 year old decided the theme for the Everything celebration party. My next step is to get Scott's memory box my mom has been keeping for me till I was ready for it. It has his footprints, handprints, and cards from his nurses. I'm ready now to look in that box.
What a beautiful way to include Scott in the "everything celebration" with your family. I also find myself sometimes suddenly "sucker punched" with grief. It happens in little moments when I least expect it too. Distractions are always good for me as well, it makes the day go by faster. I wish you peace and healing on Scott's Angelversary. I hope that opening his memory box is special and comforting.
Love and Hugs
I love including Scott in the "Everything Celebration"!!! I understand having to keep busy to get through the days of heartache. Mine is coming up as well... Hugs to you as tomorrow comes. I hope the activities that you have planned will make you smile at least once on a day when it's hard to smile.
I love how he was included... and I literally took a big gulp reading you would be opening his memory box... what an enormous leap. I will be thinking of you as you spend time with all of his treasures and memories.
I am sending you a million hugs this week as you relive the hardest moments of your life.
I love the idea of an "everything celebration". It seems like a very fitting way to celebrate all of the love you all have for one another. Thinking of you.
It is a wonderful thing to include him and I will be thinking of you and praying for your family. I send hugs to all of you
What a great way to include Scott in with your celebration, and it's great that everyone was welcoming about it. , I also love the theme your 6 year old decided to make it, how adorable! Thinking of you for making that step and looking in Scott's memory box. I just got my Sean memory box back and I just shoved everything in it, not quite ready to look at it all again. Sending hugs your way!
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