I went to Scott's grave site yesterday. I hardly ever go I'm not one who thinks you need to go regularly to remember those you love. Plus it's just so hard to go. On the times I do want to visit his grave site I have to find someone to be with C since he's never been. I think he is still too little to visit a cemetary too much higher level of thinking needed for that one. Mike happened to have off yesterday and my parents had C for the day so we decided to go and put flowers since neither one of us has been since the summer. We put 3 roses one from each of us. I had found a little bear to put there too. I do get some sort of weird fullfilment being able to buy a little something and put it on his gravesite. It's like I'm able to buy him something which I don't ever get to do.
The hardest part about visiting is that it brings back all the memories. I can picture him so clearly in my head when I am there. It makes that ache in my heart which is now a dull ache come back in full force. It makes me miss him more. I always talk to him and tell him something that is happening in our lives and I always tell him I love him and that I"m sorry. I don't know why I feel the need to apologize to him everytime I visit but I do.
I'm glad you got a chance to go visit Scott's grave yesterday and to buy him a flowers and a bear. It is so hard. So very hard.
I am glad that things worked out and you were able to visit Scott's grave. I know how hard that is. I think that I often find myself apologizing to Arianna as well. I think it goes hand in hand with the mommy guilt. Sending you lots of hugs.
Sometimes remembering every detail is too hard. I think it very wise to visit Scott's grave when you feel like you can and to honor him in that way when it feels right to you. I wish there were an easier way to do all of the things we feel we need to do as parents who have lost children; I wish there were a manual to help us deal with all the feelings that complicate our grief. I'm glad that you can feel a little joy in bringing gifts to your son.
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