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This was our last prenatal visit and the last time I heard a heartbeat. I remember it like it just happened! I brought my husband and our 2 boys along because I wanted this new OB to meet my family, to see my precious kids who beat the odds and made it! I told her nurse of my symptoms of severe swelling in my feet and hands, the fatigue, the shortness of breath, the feeling that the pre-eclampsia was starting. I was 28 weeks along. I told the OB the same stuff when she came into the room. She had toys in there for the kids and they were busy playing as she asked questions about them, etc. I remember her holding the little machine so that we could hear the heartbeat and she was really giving it a long listen. This wasn't for any particular reason, but I remember being annoyed a bit and thinking, "Yeah, that's great, but I'm not going to be happy until I hold the baby." I was annoyed as I easily get because she wasn't taking my concerns seriously and the wait to see her was long, so my BPs were a bit high. Who knew that it would be the last time I'd hear his little heart? Urgh, my son! It was my OB's 40th birthday and really, I'm convinced that she was thinking about her dinner plans that night and maybe something else. She just didn't take my symptoms seriously and I was relying on someone to tell me for a third time that okay, you're done. You need to go to the hospital now OR let's do a 24-hour protein screen to be sure OR let's have you start coming in on a weekly basis just in case. NOTHING. I was at home with my 2 kids, waiting for the next appointment, waiting to go to the hospital, waiting . . . After that last prenatal appointment, we took our boys to Chuck E. Cheese's. They earned enough tickets with dad's help to get cotton candy. I let them share it and eat it in the car on the way home. They were so sticky and knew that wasn't a god idea, but I thought it's fine. I'll just put them in the bathtub when we get home and I can take a wet wipe and clean the mess. No biggie. That weekend I got a pedicure. I assumed that I'd be going in for at least one more before I delivered, but that didn't happen. We also bought another full size bed because we knew our 2nd would need to give up his crib in the next few months and were looking to transition him with a side rail attachment. Sigh. I hate my OB. She didn't do anything to help me. Sure, when they called her at home to tell her that I was at the hospital and was hemmoraging and no heartbeat, she came quickly and finally did her job to deliver the baby. I will never forget the look on her face when she came in before I was wheeled away to the surgery floor. YES, YOU MESSED UP OB. It was Thursday, March 5th and I called her to tell her my symptoms AGAIN and this time I was sure that something wasn't right. What did she say to me? "It's still too early Lindsay, rest, get help with the kids during the day, drink plenty of fluids, watch your salt, and maybe try and get to a community pool or a gym (for some hydrotherapy I told her)." Five hours later, severe cramps and chills. Drove self to hospital approaching midnight, water broke en route, blood everywhere when I changed into gown, no heartbeat, delivered the next morning. My hubby and father got to the hospital while I was still in surgery. My husband had so many opportunities to hold our son when he still looked fresh and new, but he refused. Sometimes I am so angry that he didn't take advantage because I felt like I had to share my time with him and didn't get to hold our son for as long as I would've liked. Thank goodness some kind nurses took pictures immediately after delivery so I have that. I wasn't conscious for this delivery, so I don't know what went on. I only know from the medical report of the surgical sequence of events. Expressions such as "no cardiac activity" and "no fetal movement" really hurt. We just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. I married my high school sweetheart, so we've been together for a long time. We did go out to an early dinner. I swap with a friend. Neither one of us can afford the dinner out and the sitter, so we decided to start swapping hours. We both have our Master's degrees, she is working on her second, but we both quit our jobs for different reasons last year and financially, we're in the same boat. It's nice to talk to someone who gets that too. HBO, what's that? Expanded movie tier? Huh? Those things got cut out of our budget awhile ago along with other things when I made the decision to stay home. It's pretty cheap to live in Arizona, more so than in California, but there isn't room for too much else. My 4 year old saw some change ($.15) in the parking lot on our way into the grocery store and I told him to pick it up. He put it in his piggy bank when he got home. He loves Thomas the Train (wooden ones) and they ain't cheap. He knows I am sitting for families and sometimes asks me, "Mommy, you got a job?" He knows I have to have a job, if he expects to get (earn) another train. Anything for my kids:)