It's the month I sort of dread the most. On March 5th, I cried for a good hour or so in the late afternoon. Just all of the memories of how that night played out came at me, hard. The boys were occupying themselves (thank you Minecraft) which allowed me some time to process more. I was in my bathroom which will always be a daily trigger for me. My bedroom is the same as we are sure he passed away on Tuesday evening of that fateful week five years ago now. It all changed instantly. Back then, I could not fathom living so far ahead in time without our son. I was no longer dreaming or making solid plans. I was and I still am very much living one day at a time. Five years later, I still remember EVERY detail of how those events unfolded. The hurt and pain is always there, but I guess what's changed for me is how I have learned to negotiate my day around it so that it doesn't consume me. I don't know if that means I've become better at dealing with it, a better actress, or if I am on my way to some kind of a healing place. I don't know . . .
We made a chocolate cake, but it got eaten before Naethyn's actual angelversary. Yeah, the boys couldn't wait! I guess I'm hesitant to say birthday as "birth" implies living. My husband took the 6th off. Urgh, last year I had a teacher eval, but with our at-home learning situation this year, I didn't have to worry about that kind of stuff. I did schedule our annual ISP with our Support Coordinator on the same day though because hubby was going to be home. It was a good 2-hour meeting talking about all of his therapies, hab goals, and what's new with our T. When it came time to discuss hab/respite hours, I just played dumb wife and let my husband do the talking. In the end, we gained another weekly hour of hab and many more respite hours for this year. We will use them well. After the SC left, we took the kids to celebrate at Chuck E. Fromage. We let the boys choose where they wanted to celebrate their younger bro's special day. That place is great place for PT. They had fun playing their usual games and eating pizza. Naethyn's angelversary is close to our Spring Break and we were happy to get away for a few days.
We went to CA and stayed with our friends. We drove by our old neighborhoods and schools and visited all of our usual places. I miss CA, I really do. Between the weather and our friends' soft water, we were in heaven for 5 days. We visited the Zoo, again. We were there for a few more hours this time and T waited in line a good twenty minutes plus for two rides on the Skyfari! We're building up these little legs for Disney. This is such progress. We walked around Balboa Park and the boys let me check out Spanish Village while they hopped along the colored tiles. We got our Fro Yo fixes too, enjoyed a few hours at our favorite beach, and caught up on all of our premium channel shows that we don't have at home. It was a nice break for all of us.
Before leaving for Break, I went to another Autism conference and met the creator of The Horse Boy. Very interesting! Yes, we do use a lot of toilet humor at our house, anything to get a response. "Make it, Do it, Confirm it! I don't know how many parents in attendance had their children learning at home. I'm guessing not too many as it's not a popular choice for a variety of reasons. For me, it reaffirmed a lot of things. I get that not everybody can or even wants to be solely responsible for their child's learning, but for some kids on the Spectrum, it can yield a lot of success. He talked a lot about how he thought he was going to have to give up his dreams soon after his son was diagnosed. In fact, his dreams were realized due to the diagnosis. Amazing!
It's that special connection that can happen with horses and animals. T started riding last July and he loves it! He is learning how to ride, take care of a horse, and he is participating in another competition in April (same day as our MOD walk). He is going to be riding twice a week in another month and he'll be getting to feed lunch to the horses after his lesson. Yup, signed another waiver for that one! Toward the end of the conference, I handed Horse Boy dude a pamphlet on the scholarship that we currently have for our kiddo. He is in Texas now and said that he had an upcoming meeting with their State Department of Education. He would very much like to see a similar program started up in Texas and was very excited to learn that a program like this one even exists. As far as I know, AZ is the only state that gives parents such a choice and literally puts the funding in their hands via a debit card (with stipulations and rules of course).
The boys at the fountain in Balboa Park.
Having fun at Spanish Village.
Tristyn on his pleasure ride with his horse, Bree.
He won 1st place in equitation at the Winter Show 2013.
He said that he won "a statue."
Lots and lots of angelversary love to your sweet Naethyn. It sounds like you honored him in a wonderful way - the cake, and a Chuck E Fromage (love it!) celebration for the boys. It is so hard to relive those immensly painful moments when our little ones slipped away.
So great that you all were able to get away for an enjoyable trip as a family. Looks like T and D had a great time! Love the pics! Also, the conference sounds like it was really good. I'm glad you were able to go.
Big hugs and lots of love to you!
I am thinking of you as you move into year number 5 without your sweet boy. This year in particular has been a little more difficult for me too. Sending you lots of hugs.
I am glad that you found a way to honor Naethyn, Love the pictures.
Hugs to you as your remember Naethyn!!
I'm glad to hear that you had a great break! Sounds like a lot of stuff to do, but all fun stuff!! Love seeing the pics.....especially the one with the "statue"!!
What a wonderful way to honor your sweet Naethyn. I don't think he minded that the cake got eaten a lil' early. :)
I love the pictures of the boys - I can't believe how old all three of your sweeties are getting.
Lots and lots of love mama,
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