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Lindsay's Latest

EXCUSES, EXCUSES

I had my parents up for a little visit last week. I dread the comments that come out of my mother's mouth. She doesn't think about what she says before she says things - EVER! So, we got to talking about something which turned into conversation about her work. She retired a year and a half ago and mentioned how she hadn't gone back to the office since. She said that she knew that people would ask her about the baby. Then she said that even if our son didn't die, she still wouldn't have gone back! She just said those words so matter of fact. A few months ago at another visit, this time me going there, my mom mentioned that my sister isn't going to have anymore children because of what happened to me! She volunteers this stuff. I don't ask. I haven't had any communication with her in over 2 years. It's everyone's choice and that's fine, but the reasoning behind it is stupid! She didn't have ANY problems at all. She was testing for all of the not so great to inherit genes that I have and she went full-term w/out any issues. Lucky! I'm so tired of people using my son's death and what we went through as an excuse not to do something. I think of all of the things that I've forced myself to overcome since this tragedy and it's overwhelming. It still hurts when people talk about it like it's nothing. Well, it wasn't their baby and it didn't happen to them. I guess I was expecting more support from my immediate family. I want my kids to see their grandparents, but it's getting harder to ignore those hurtful comments. Oh well, I guess I'll eat some rather large portions of potato salad this weekend here and try to forget about it:)

  • Rather large portions of potato salad are always usefull mind erasers! Have you tried talking to your mom, or maybe even seeing a counselor together. She may not realize how hurtful her comments are.

    Laura

  • I'm sorry your family is being so hurtful. My mother in law once said to me that losing the boys didn't just happen to us. At the moment, I wanted to slap her, but on reflection I see that she's right. I don't want to make excuses for their carelessness, but perhaps on some level they are trying to show you how important Naethyn was to them, too.

    The whole thing sucks and you shouldn't have to deal with it. I hope the potato salad was delicious!

    Hugs,

    Shannon

  • I am so sorry Lindsay for all family troubles, yes I agree with Laura, I think your mom actually don't see the trouble, I can't think a mom doing that on purpose...... You are a wonderful person and mother, don't get down with fam problems, remember your family are your kids and husband, the rest is "extensive" part..... mmmm chocolate also helps a lot.... no bad advice that one...... big hug to you

    Lorena

  • I'm sorry that the hurtful comments come out without thought....  Some folks.....ugh!!  I hope that you'll find a way to talk with them and hopfully help them to understand how you're feeling about the situation.  It's tough not having support and even tougher when you know it could probably have a better ending.

    Tracy

  • Those comments really do hurt, like a stab to the heart.  My mom also doesn't think before she speaks!  I know it will be hard, but i've found i have to speak up when i don't appreciate something my immediate family has done or said.  It's really hard to do sometimes, but just let them know when they are hurting your feelings...if you can :)

    ranch potato salad is my favorite, with lots of bacon crumbles!!!!  

    Jennifer

  • Gosh, I really dislike when people don't think about what is coming out of their mouth. I know many times it isn't to hurt, but boy does it ever.

    I had one of my family members tell me Jay and Morgan "just weren't meant to be." I about flipped a lid when that was said.

    Sometimes it is easier for the people around you to make excuses instead of learning how to deal with such a loss. You have done a remarkable job living without your precious Naethyn and helping other mommas through their pain of losing their children.

    I hope that potato salad was delicious!

    Hugs,

    Kami

  • Big hugs for you. Thank-you for the paragraph where you talk about all of the things that you've forced yourself to overcome, and how people talk about it like it's nothing. I've been feeling the same way sometimes but never really put it into words like that. I'll try to remember that when I feel guilty about not wanting to see someone's baby or go to a shower. I hope things with your mom get easier over time, and that she doesn't make you too upset in the mean time.

    Erin

  • Thank you ladies:)  I needed the pick-me up:)

    Lindsay

  • Hi Lindsay,

    I am just catching up....I am sorry it really is so hard when people don't think of what they are saying and how it can effect you, and sometimes it unfortunately can always be the same person. My mother can also be the same way and I don't really have an answer. Sometimes I ignore it, sometime I contort it and explain it but it never really changes the outcome sigh. I also hope your potato salad was delicious:)