Share Your Story

Our angelversary was a sad day. I did make a cake and after our boys went to bed, my husband and I lit the one year old candle and blew it out together. This is strange, but it felt like it was someone's birthday - our son's. Birth implies living. I feel like I am supposed to say "stillbirthday" because he never really had an actual breath outside my body. It was an awkward day and it's becoming increasingly more difficult as time passes. I can talk about what happened to someone without crying, but now I'm in that zone where you are so aware of all that you had dreamed about is never going to happen for this baby in your family. Many angry feelings toward my OB as I recount the days/weeks leading up to our son's death. The neglect, the awful things she said, making me feel so much worse, and just the stupid focus on the Heprin pump while she never wanted to focus on the pre-eclampsia that went undiagnosed on her part! What a - - - - -! I hope I never run into you lady. I fear for the patients you treat and their unborn children. I keep thinking that if I hadn't driven myself to the hospital that very moment, I could be dead. I just wish that I had followed my instincts even after my last prenatal appointment. She was no help to me and I KNEW it was starting. Been there 2x before:( Okay, so this blog was supposed to be about fundraising for MOD, so here goes. I am walking again this year, fundraising online, and then going out into the community to share my story and ask for cash. Nice! So, I made a flyer with pics of all 3 boys that I had been distributing to various elementary and high schools in my district. I also have coin boxes at a few local businesses that I will pick up at the end of the week. I also made cupcakes for a few schools for the staff lounges ONLY and raised more than $80.00. Sure, I had to purchase the items, but I bought baking supplies on the cheap and grabbed my mother on Senior discount Wednesday for 10% off my grocery order. She's also talkling with the manager at the Curves she goes to about some fundraising ideas. Every little bit helps. When I went to my first school, I recounted my stories to a lady and she got this huge lump in her throat as she swallowed. All I could think about was, "I'm going to meet my goal!" I think that hardest thing is talking to women who are moms who don't get it. It's so foreign to them that they just stare at you as you tell them "born at 32 weeks" or something like that. Hello! Are the lights on? I was talking to one lady and as I was telling her what had happened, she cut me off and was like, "I'm really lucky, all of mine were born healthy." Good for you lady, good for you. We're not talking about the healthy ones w/ no problems. We're talking about the miracles, the ones who struggle, beat the odds, fought and lost, and the ones who never got their chance to try. One lady in her late 30's or early 40's didn't even know what MOD was!!! This is all the more reason that I will continue to educate people about the March of Dimes and what/who it funds. Even as a little kid, I knew what MOD was. I guess I expect women to know. I mean, you say Susan G. Komen and most women would know that cause. FYI - I'm on the RIF list in May. I already asked and received a letter of recommendation from my administrator. I'm kind of pissed because I am ready to go back to work and now my job won't be there due to budget cuts. I always say for special programs, they'll keep you if they really wanted you. Sometimes it's hard NOT to take it personally. Glad AZ is a cheap state to live in. I am applying elsewhere, but there are no postings at this time. I check often. Yes, I might be doing care gigs for a bit longer. If I find the right match, I won't mind so much . . .