MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Lindsay's Latest

MARCH OF DIMES

Last Saturday, we went to the Phoenix Zoo for the Family Teams kick off for the March of Dimes. It felt nice to be among others who have experienced the NICU or dealt with a loss. I had tears when we were asked to yell "SAVE BABIES." Yeah, save babies. I wish someone could've saved ours. It's been a year since I felt that last kick and flip inside me. I am so convinced that is when he died. Of course, we delivered 48 hours later and he was already gone. He was so cute, so strong, and I really wish that he was here. Last night I was playing Star Wars Monopoly with my 4 year old. My 2 year old finally went to bed and I have to remind my oldest to use a quiet voice when we play, so that he doesn't wake up his brother. I had kind of a flash forward thought of an alternate life. I was thinking how I'd have 2 little ones sleeping while we played Monopoly and how rare playing a board game would be depending on who was up and the kids' sleeping schedules, etc. I know that I'd be totally exhausted at the end of each day, but I was really looking forward to it all. I was so READY and CONFIDENT as a mom. I have all of this baby stuff and while part of me is ready to have a garage sale because I'm tired of looking at it, I'm not ready to let go of it. I want what I can't have. I've thought about whether or not I'd want to use the same baby stuff if another baby were to come into our lives (through surrogacy or adoption). All of these things were intended for someone else. My husband has suggested to perhaps sell everything and put whatever monies in a separate account to be used later for new baby stuff or something else. I've thought about doing a garage sale fundraiser and giving the proceeds to MOD, but I don't know if I can stomach watching people buy my baby items or how I'd feel when I returned home and things were gone. It's that next step that I'm afraid to take. We are walking again this year. It was nice to see that the baby scrapbooking pages I had made were in the album at the sign in desk. The boys really enjoyed the Zoo too and there were some animals that had been brought out that the kids could touch. I have started to pass out flyers at various elementary and high schools in our District to make sure that everyone knows about the upcoming Jeans Day. Unfortunately, the day given to us falls on the Friday before Spring Break where most will already be wearing jeans. Some schools have agreed to have it on that Thursday while other schools are doing a "Purple Day." I'm hitting more schools today and tomorrow. I'm making cupcakes for some of the schools in an effort to raise pocket change as well. I'm trying to be proactive. I probably sound like I'm handling everything just fine. I'm sure that I'm depressed. There are those days where I've had my 2 cups of coffee, but after 3 hours or so, I could totally go back to bed, but can't because I have children to watch. I still cry everyday, sometimes more than that. I hate driving home at night alone. That will probably remain a trigger for me. I don't look forward to sitting Saturdays for date night because of that. If these people only knew . . . We have some plans for Saturday, our "angelversary." We'll take our kids out to a museum and then maybe take them to Chuck E. Cheese's and let them play some ski ball and stomp the spider. They LOVE those two games! I already have some cake mix, frosting, 1 year old candle, and some 1st Birthday napkins. I think we're set:)

  • Wow, you guys are doing so much and keeping so busy.

    I'm sorry you're facing that next step of having to give away or sell all your baby items.  that's a tough step to have to take.

    I wish you luck and peace.

    Tomme

    PS  I LOVE the pictures.  Your boys are precious.

  • What a fun place for a kickoff!!  I wish we had somewhere like that to host a kickoff!!  

    I say take as long as you want to make the decisions regarding the baby stuff.  There's no rush!  

    I hope that things will settle down in your mind for you and that the "angelversary" is a special special day for all of you.

    Tracy

  • I like the idea of a fundraising bake sale to raise money for your walk.  I signed up this year for the first time after my daughter Kaitlyn was born at 32 weeks. She's now a healthy little toddler. I was having a hard time raising the money for my walk when I got a brainstorm.  I was crocheting preemie hats for the local NICUs and thought that somehow I might be able to use them to fund my walk.  I put on my facebook that I'd make 1 preemie hat (which I was already doing) for every $5 donation to March for Babies.  I made up a little donation tag with the March for Babies logo to put inside each hat along with a "this hat was lovingly donated by...." message.  My donations increased from $10 (I had been signed up for over a week) to $120 in 2 days!! If you know how to crochet or knit and have the time (it's about 40 minutes a hat), it's a great way to raise money, give back, and help people feel like their making a difference in the life of a baby :)

  • Fingers Crossed-

    I LOVE this idea!  Oh, I am just so happy that you are doing this!  It must feel so good.  I know the little hats you are talking about.  I think a nice lady made one for my little Naethyn.  I kept it along with the outfit he wore briefly.  I don't know how to crochet, but I may know someone who can help or teach me.  Thank you for sharing this wonderful idea and I am so glad to know that your daughter is doing well.  I have to tell you that I love her name as it is my top choice if we were to ever have a girl.  Please keep me posted on your fundraising endeavors.

    All the best,

    Lindsay

  • Hi Lindsay!

      I'm glad you liked the whole hat idea.  It's all because a nice nurse at the hospital made one for Kaitlyn.  Although she never really had any setbacks while in the hospital, I still thought about that nurse..  knitting that hat for MY baby... A baby she hadn't even met yet.  The time it took.. it gave me comfort to think that someone could care about her.  Of course her little hat is way too small now- it stays on her 15" doll for now.

    My mom also crochets, but she said she doesn't have time to make hats.  She went out to walmart and bought some preemie sleepers and is donating them for $25 donations.  The sleepers cost about $7.00, but she's saving receipts for taxes.  This is my first walk and I'm soo excited.  I don't think that people really understand how important this cause is until they see it first hand.  I made up a video montage from when Kaitlyn was in the hospital... I had so many people comment on how they couldn't believe how tiny she was.  She was 3lbs 6oz!! I tried to explain to them that many babies are way smaller... I think it's just too hard for some to wrap their minds around.  

    Good luck with your fundraising... Mine has stalled around $375, but I just put 2 collection boxes with pics and info at my OB's office and a local baby consignment shop.. hopefully that will help too!

    I can't remember if I told you before, but I was induced at 32 weeks because I also I had severe pre-eclampsia (which was coupled with HELLP Syndrome).  When I read your story, I cried.  I am soooo sorry for your loss- although I know that those words can't really express the true feeling in my heart.  It honestly makes me scared for my next baby.  From what I've read on this site it seems that I was quite lucky to have gotten as far along as I did.  My OB said next time I'll be "high risk" and have to come in weekly for blood tests to check my platelets and I'll have an at home blood pressure monitor and such.  I've already started praying for my next baby and I'm not even pregnant.  Are you planning on trying again in the future? We are wanting to start 'trying' again this fall... *sigh*  I'll keep you and your familly in my prayers.

  • Hi Kaitlyn's mom-

    I am so glad to chat with you as we have a lot in common.  Do you know that my last baby and your daughter were the same weight exactly?!  Wow!  That's really something . . . I know that he would've been alright, at least put up a fight to survive.  I wish that he had been given the chance that he deserved.  No one wants to take on our case and sometimes I feel like if I had died too, we'd have one without a doubt.  It's just so awful and some days are so hard for me, but I am trying to be the best mom I can be.  I had my tubes tied and I made that decision in a split second as I was lying in a bed bleeding out.  I was alone and I was upset and still in shock.  It's a decision that I so regret today.  I am contemplating on having a tube reversal as the whole surrogacy thing is way out of our pocket book.  I am even looking at IVF, but before I can pursue either of those options, I have to lose a significant amount of weight.  I'm working on that.  The recent walk we did on Saturday was 3 miles, so that's something.  Any monies generated to help fund programs and research for the March of Dimes is something and every dollar helps.  It feels good to know that you're helping something so important.  You're right, people who have had healthy babies, don't fully understand this, but your video montage I'm sure helped to drive home the message.  That's also a good idea that I might include on e-mail attachments for potential donors next year.  Good ideas!!!  Keep 'em coming!  After my first pregnancy, I was nervous about things, but I was pretty determined to have another baby.  All of the pregnancies were planned, but with #2, I was 26 weeks going into summer break for teachers, and that's when things started to go downhill with #1.  So, I planned it that way for a reason so that I would be off my feet and have help with my other child.  I'm sure that you have an experienced OB who will monitor you as that's KEY when you're high risk.  It's so upsetting what happened.  There are days that I just can't believe it all.  I cried the last stretch of the walk.  It's still pretty painful, but I know I'm not alone.  It's a huge mix of emotions because I've been through 3 different scenarios: leaving a baby at a hospital (NICU) for weeks, getting to take one home straight away, and leaving one indefinitely whom I never heard cry or see his eyes gaze at mine.  The tears I will cry for the rest of my life for the baby I am missing so much!  I hope that you keep us posted on your upcoming news.  I think it's wonderful to be thinking about it and planning for it, taking those extra measures right from the beginning.  It's almost like a battle plan.  Promise that you'll go on bedrest if needed, make your OB listen to you if you think you're having symptoms, and go to the hospital if you think something isn't right.  I waited too long and I regret that everyday.

    Fingers crossed,

    Lindsay