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Well, my parents called and left a message on my cell phone this past Tuesday. My grandmother may have suffered a stroke. She's 84. She was breathing, but wasn't waking up so they called 911 and took her to the hospital where they did a CT scan I guess. She was then transferred to another hospital where they are better equipped to deal with patients such as herself, so then did an MRI. Results came back today and she did in fact have a stroke on her right side. Something is also happening with her heart, so they want to do a pacemaker. She'll have rehab in the hospital or go to another facility. I feel so awful for her. She's been a part of my life since I knew her as grandma. She's been through so much. I only hope that I can live a full life as she has. She is truly an example of a strong woman and so as hard as it was, I did take my 2 year old to see her on Thursday. Her speech is slurred somewhat, but she recognized her great-grandson right away. She says things like, "he won't remember me." I tell her that he will and I'll make sure of it:) She came to see me in the hospital when I had my kids and I know that she would've been at the hospital this past March when we lost our son had she had some transportation. My parents had to leave her to come and watch my other two, so that my husband could be with me. Urgh. I want to bring my other son to see her, so hopefully this weekend if she's up to having visitors I'll do that. I'm going to get her a plant. She has nothing to look at except hospital drapes. I don't even know if anyone turns the tv on for her when she is awake. The batteries in her hearing aids went out and my parents are too cheap to go down to the gift shop/store and get some. So, they went home and 6 hours later she got her batteries. Really, she needs to be able to hear what the nurses and docs are asking of her or telling her. I think my parents could do a bit more to make her feel comfortable. Then again, after everything, it doesn't surprise me. And for those who have read my entires, I have some more news for you. Remember my pregnant sister? Well, she had her baby on 9-18 and it was a GIRL!!! I know, I thought it was going to be a boy from the way everyone was talking. So, even though I didn't want to hear the details, my mom blabs it all to me about her delivery, etc. No problems whatsoever. Lucky! She starts telling me about the delivery and I'm like, whatever. She has her baby. Where's mine? I haven't called to congratulate her. I haven't sent a card and I'm not sure that I can. I am so sickened by the e-mails that I can't seem to get over. I can't bring myself to forgive for the selfish, heartless, ignorant, hurtful comments that she and her husband made to me in April, the night before the March of Dimes Walk. I don't know how to move on from it. You'd think that at a time when family is rallying around grandma that it would be an approchable opportunity, but I can't do it guys. I just can't. I was so looking forward to being an auntie to her baby. After I lost my baby, I thought about the one she would have. I was looking forward to that in order to heal. I am finding and have been finding my healing elsewhere. I blog, I write, I scrapbook, I clean, I play, I drive, I do all of those stay-at-home mommy things. It's hard. I'm home. I took this year off because that was the plan. I feel like I should be tending to a baby. I'm not kidding, but did any of you swear that you heard a baby cry in the weeks following your loss? I sure did. It was strange. My son should be here. I miss him. I miss him so much! I cry everyday and I'm trying, but it's still raw for me. I have so much anger. My parents are just so lame. I don't think that I could ever be that cruel to my kids. If they need me in the future and I can help, I'll be there. "To be a hero for someone means to be inconvenienced." That's not mine, that's Joel Osteen. I watched his program one Sunday and he had said that a few months ago. He's coming to Phx in December. I am tempted to go see him. I'll keep you posted Share friends. Where would I be without you? Lindsay