Okay, so there was just another "situation" early this morning on the lovely I-10 freeway closer to my side at 83rd Avenue. DPS hasn't confirmed that it was a bullet, but a projectile of some sort that shattered a car window. Seven of the cases so far have been confirmed bullets! I was really watchful last week when I drove the I-10 from OT down to music therapy and back home. It was on my mind, but there was a heavy police presence, so I guess I was feeling safer? As the rest of my household wakes up this morning, I am debating driving almost an hour out of my way to get to the music therapy place. I mean, this is really scary! At present, we have the most dangerous highway in the nation. Makes me feel like I can't even leave the house. The rain finally came in, so it definitely feels like a day to just stay in and watch movies. The roads will be a little slick now too, so that makes it extra fun. People here don't seem to know how to drive when it's raining:) They aren't used to being in it, so when it actually pours, people tend not to know what to do.
Today is also T's due date. I remember being at my first prenatal appointment with him and my good OB was writing down his EDD. When I heard it, I was a bit sad as I immediately thought about 9/11. So much remembrance happening this week and it just brings so many different memories back. I do wonder what it's like to carry a baby to term. I never got to do that. There is lingering guilt that I wasn't able to carry T for 40 weeks. We aren't quite sure how long he went inside without amniotic fluid. He was cooking in there. Thankfully, I had that scheduled weekly ultrasound that would tell us that something was wrong. T has many challenges and some I feel are due to having been born prematurely. He tries everything, pushes himself, and he does it with a smile. I still feel horrible that I couldn't protect him longer, but I can protect him today. I am so going to keep all of my appointments today, but this mom will be taking the longer route.
What a scary world we live in when we have to make decisions like these! Sending you lots of love as you navigate traffic and the extra long route while remembering when your due date should have been.
Love and hugs
Good Lord, Lindsay! That is so scary! I don't blame you for taking the round about way.
Those calendar dates... I think I'm over them and then one of them hits me with a surprise blow. Be gentle with yourself. It wasn't your choosing that you couldn't carry him to term. Sometimes, there are things that are just out of our hands. We have to do the best we can and be on top of the things that are in our hands. But, I think you know that. It's just convincing that darned emotional side that's the problem for me.
Anyhow, many hugs and a lot of love. SU and real hugs are not too terribly far away!
The "situation" on I-10 is getting so very scary. I am glad that you all are safe and hope that you stay that way. T is such an amazing little boy who has proven time and time again how incredibly strong he is, every time I see his pictures he's smiling and I know through your posts how much joy he brings to your life. You have done an amazing job advocating for him and giving him the best therapies, education and tools, to have the best life possible. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. So many of us are getting the help and services we need for our own kiddos because of you and the boys, so please, don't be too hard on yourself. Don't spend too much time in the land of what could have been because the land of what is, is pretty amazing because of you and T, just the way he is.
Sending lots of hugs and I can't wait to see you.
I am so sorry you're dealing with this scary situation. I'm glad you have alternate routes both literally and metaphorically. But I'm sad you've had to find those routes too. Mommy guilt can be so stifling. Remind yourself that you did all that you could, took every single precaution and tried everything possible. You're an amazing mom who would do anything for her kids. T know this. I promise you, he knows.
So much love to you,
Oh my gosh Lindsey, so scary! I'm sorry the guilt feels so overwhelming right now. I hope it lifts so that you can see what we so plainly can, that you are amazing. Much love.
Please be kind to your mommy heart. I think mommy guilt is one of the hardest things we live with. Many many hugs to you! I love ya girl!
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