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Lindsay's Latest

TWO YEARS INTO MY NEW NORMAL

It's been two years. It's hard to really pick "the date" to go by, but I listen to what my heart tells me. If I had only known that the complete flip and suspicious and forceful kick that I felt was my son's last moments, I would've taken a kitchen knife to my stomach to save him myself. I sort of mourn a period of a few days I guess. All of the events that led up to that kick, calling my OB when I KNEW something wasn't right, the drive to the hospital alone, water breaking en route to the freeway, no heartbeat, holding him, multiple transfusions, the empty arms going home, and picking up his ashes the following week. I don't think I'll ever be refusing an alcoholic beverage for the rest of my life that's for sure. So much anxiety leading up to these days and now that they're here, it feels familiar. The weather is exactly how it was here two years ago - sunny, a little bit of a breeze, high 70's . . . perfect. My husband bought the same lotion that we used back then too. Funny how something as simple as the smell of lotion can take you right back in time. I've been home for over two years now too and the actual thought of returning to a life (a job) outside of the home is scaring me. I'm so trying to enjoy every last month that I have as it will never be like this again. It's probably the last hurdle of this journey that I have to face and I just hope I can do it. I sat for a little boy last Friday night who will be turning one this month. Donovyn was playing with us on the floor while the baby was making noises. Donovyn says, "Look mommy, Naethyn's talking." I just looked at my son and he looked at me. I was so happy that he remembered his little brother. It was so out of the blue too, but so nice to hear. I did correct him and I said, You mean Aston," but he didn't say anything more. They're young, but they KNOW. Happy 2nd Birthday in heaven Naethyn. I think you may have wanted cupcakes this year, so that's what mommy will bake. Of course with sprinkles on top and yes, you get more than your brothers because you're the baby:) We love and miss you with all of our hearts . . .

  • Happy 2nd Birthday Naethyn. Hope you are enjoying your birthday in Heaven.

    It is so sweet to know that Donovyn remembers his little brother, kids remember more than they are given credit for. Donovyn will always carry the memory of his brother with him. Hugs to you, I'm sure you need them during these next few days.

    Laura

  • Lindsay,

    Sometimes kids remember more than we give them credit for....

    Sending hugs to you on Naethyn's birthday.  I'm sure they are having a crazy party for him up in heaven.  Those angels sure know how to party!  :)

    -Jackie

  • HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY NAETHYN!!!

    I know how precious those kicks and squirms  are after going through what we've been through.  Hugs to you on this special day!

    Tracy

  • Happy Heavenly Birthday Naethyn!!!! I'm sure you are partying up a storm up in heaven with all your share baby friends.

    xoxo

    Jessica

  • Happy Heavenly 2nd Birthday Naethyn! I am so glad that Donovyn remembered. Hugs and thoughts to you on this and the surrounding days.

    Ellen

  • Lindsay,

    Happy Heanvenly 2nd birthday Naethyn.  We know he is looking down watching all the things you are doing to celebrate.  

    Hugs to you and your family!

    Geri

  • Lindsay;

    thinking of you in these days, and I am sure Naethyn knows how much you love and miss him. Hope the transition to getting back to "normal" (if that can be possible) is smooth for you.  Every day, every angelversary will be easier, and I know you will do the best for your family.  Sending you a big hug, take care of you and your family, and keeping busy helps a lot with the mourning process.

    Lorena

  • Thinking of you and sending many hugs your way.  Happy second birthday in Heaven for your sweet little Naethyn in a few hours.  That is so sweet of your other son to remember his little brother, I'm sure it is so very nice to hear his name being mentioned like that.  I'll be keeping your whole family close in my thoughts and prayers over the next few days.

    Stacy

  • Sending sweet birthday wishes to Naethyn and peaceful wishes to you momma.

    I love how Naethyn's brothers hold him gently in their thoughts and actions.

    Hugs,

    Lauren

  • Lindsay-

    I'm sorry i missed his birthday- Happy belated Birthday Naethyn.

    It's hard to say 2 years...i'll be approaching that day this coming summer and it's surreal to think so much time has passed.

    I think the cupcakes sound wonderful though- i hope your family was able to honor Naethyn just like you wanted.

    and by the way- i know what you mean about Donovyn remembering Naethyn, and always when you're not expecting it.  Bella always brings a smile to my face when she says something about Liam!

    Sending you hugs-

    Jennifer

  • Lindsay,

    I've been thinking of you a lot lately.  Happy Birthday wishes to Naethyn and many hugs to you.

    Julie

  • Thank you my Share friends for all of the support and kind words.  They have so helped to get me through my darkest of days.

    Much love to all of you!

    Lindsay