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My grandmother, Gigi, has been in assisted living now since September of last year. She has had multiple little strokes since then where some parts of her body go numb and she loses speech for awhile, but it returns. She is surviving them which is amazing, however, she is 86 years old going on 5. I know that it is a very hard time for my mother who has never handled any kind of stress well. This is probably where my history of now high blood pressure comes from. While I am concerned for my grandmother (because her next stop will be hospice if she gets worse), I feel like I have so much on my plate. So many feelings to still sort out. I have not fully accepted what has happened to our family. I reread the operative reports and things and I just think, it was so awful this time because my OB didn't listen. She didn't trust that I knew something was wrong. I had been through this twice before. I was high risk. Unbelievable. I have decided to end my search for a lawyer to take on my case. I have been declined four times and I'm exhausted. Most of the letters just say that they don't feel that there is enough adequate time to pursue it OR that they have to weigh the financial risk to them and me in order to get the kind of return they need. So sad when it comes down to dollars. This is why the practice had let my good OB go to begin with - the downed economy and the fact that he hadn't invested in the first place. My OB had asked me for some pictures of my boys to make a gift for me. When she came to the hospital before I was discharged, she was carrying a tote with pics of HER boys on it. I noticed it and complimented her on it. I'm still waiting for my gift. Despite what she's been advised to do, don't tell a grieving mother that you are going to make a gift and not follow though. Just another thing to add to my list with her. I hope that I never encounter this person again. Still no word about a job in my current school district and time is running out for any out-of-state possibilities for next Fall. I have applied to a few places, but even those are long shots. A family is interviewing me this weekend for occasional daycare, so hopefully that might turn into something. I found another charter school who does testing for early Kinder, so I'll more about that in mid-July. I finally took Naethyn's handprint into one of those ceramic pottery places. I hired their custom artist to finish it for me. I find it a little funny that I paid so much money for someone to paint a hand that is the size of a quarter, but she'll do a good job. I started this project in early August of '08 before I took my last pregnancy test. It will feel good to finally have it completed. I'll post pics when I have it in hand in another week or so. I did e-mail my sister back to which she asked if I had any summer plans. That was 2 weeks ago and I don't have plans to answer back. The only reason she e-mailed is because school is out and she is home ALONE with a baby. She's bored and doesn't know what to do. It's weird because I don't even consider her as a mother. With her, I'm still in Feb. '09 and she's telling me that she's pregnant over the phone. Funny, it could've totally been different, but it went this way instead. Anyone subscribe to Parents magazine? I got an e-mail about a poll or something: When do you know it's right to have a second baby? I just wanted to scream! And, anyone getting those Essure brochure about sterilization in the mail? Those bother me too! I kind of laugh when I see those commercials, "what if I were to get pregnant again?" Yeah, if only that was my problem:) Sorry to ramble, but just wanted to tie up loose ends. My hubby's trip was great! Everyone came home safe. The boys and I really missed him. He wants to go again in 2012. Maybe we can all go?