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Two years ago today we met our beautiful Marco and had to say goodbye to him too soon. I really can’t believe it’s been 2 years already. Sometimes it feels like it was an eternity ago. I will admit that I have actually been feeling pretty centered over the last week or so. I don’t know how I expected to feel today. Even though no one will ever replace Marco or take away what happened, I must say that having Lucia has been very healing for us. She is such a joy, and having her around has really helped balance the pain. I also think I’m still in the midst of the craziness of adjusting to a newborn. I think that being so busy with her and the whole adjustment of having her at home with us has been a distraction. Bruno stayed home with me today. We had a leisurely morning and then took a nice long walk around one of the lakes by our house with Lucia and our dogs. It was really hard for us to plan what we were going to do today. We ended up just deciding to keep it low key. Bruno did have to go to work for an hour or so in the late afternoon, so Lucia and I were alone together. It was right around 4 o’clock hour when Bruno left, which is the same time of day that Marco died. I was sitting in the rocking chair today around that hour reading Lucia a book called Someday. That’s when the sadness really set in. Marco will never get to dive in a lake someday or ride a bike someday. He’ll never get to have chocolate cake for his birthday or kick a soccer ball. He’ll never get to laugh or cry. He’ll never get to stay up late watching movies and eating popcorn. The sad truth is though, that if Marco had lived, I don’t know if he would have been able to do any of these things anyway. He would have had many limitations and challenges. I know that Bruno and I would have done everything possible to give him the best quality of life possible…but who knows what that would have been. It’s all just so sad and complex. I guess I still mourn the loss of the healthy baby we imagined we’d have when we found out I was pregnant with him. How naïve we were. When we found out about all of Marco’s problems, we were so sad, but we were ready to fight for him. We were ready to fight to give him the best life he could have. We knew that even though it’s not what we expected, raising a child with special needs would enrich our lives in ways we never expected. We will never know what Marco’s life would have been like. All we can do now is to cherish the very short time we had with him…the 29 weeks and 4 days that he was in me and the 4 hours we had with him while he was alive. We will also cherish the time we had with him as he was passing. Although it was so painful, there was also a tender peacefulness about that time we had with him in my hospital room. No tubes or IVs or monitors. No nurses or doctors. Just Bruno, Marco and me…the three of us…a family. Thank you so much to all of you who have been with me on this journey. You all have become such an important part of my life and have helped me through my darkest of times. I found the picture below of me (with my nephew) today. This was taken just 2 days after I found out I was pregnant with Marco. It was the day we told my parents I was pregnant. We had such pure joy at that time and were so unsuspecting of all the pain that would soon come our way. Marco, we love you so much…our sweet angel. Though very short, your life has touched so many people. You will forever live in our hearts. Thank you so much for watching over your daddy, Lucia and me…and thank you for sending your little sister, she is amazing :)