MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

CATCHING UP

I’ve written about 20 posts in my head since I last posted here. Time is moving at lightning speed lately. I started working at home at the end of April and dropped down to 32 hours/week. They have both been such great changes, but like with all changes it’s taken a bit of time to adjust. I think I am finally starting to find my groove :) I don’t have much new to report – so this post may be a bit rambly, but I wanted to write – so I figured I would! I just was sitting here listening to a song that always provokes a lot of emotion for me. This Woman’s Work by Kate Bush (Maxwell covered it some time ago) – if you haven’t heard it, you should listen to it. It’s beautiful and will probably make you cry. So maybe don’t listen to it if you’re in a happy mood :) Lately I’ve been thinking more about the loss of the blissful naïve feeling that so many/most pregnant women have. I guess I had my shot at it – 22 weeks and 3 days worth – that’s how far along I was when we got the bad news about Marco. I should be grateful I had that time, and I am…it’s just…well…you know…I’ll never get it back. I don’t really know why this feeling has come up. I’m not pregnant and not trying to get pregnant right now. I have Lucia here – alive and happy, and feel so incredibly blessed about that. I think the feeling may be related to some friends of mine and Bruno’s who just recently had a baby. First pregnancy, first baby, easy time getting pregnant, baby and mom are healthy and happy, life is great. I really, really am happy for them. I would never in a million years wish prematurity, complications, or loss on anyone. I think it just brings up some pain seeing others have such an easy time at it – while knowing that there are so many people who have such a struggle. Anyway – I don’t really know what my point here is – but I felt like this is a safe place to process some of these emotions/feelings. I still haven’t gotten my period since having Lucia. Not that I really miss it or anything – but it would be nice to see my body working properly! I took Provera for 10 days in March per my OB to try to bring it on, but only had a couple days of very minimal bleeding. My OB, being displeased w/ this, had me get a sonohysterogram which ended up being unsuccessful. They couldn’t get the catheter in because my cervix is hardened? I don’t know. The sono apparently looked normal though. Anyway – I’m going back to see her tomorrow to discuss, so we’ll see. Lastly – I should report that Lucia is doing awesome! She is at such a fun age…doing all sorts of things. It’s so amazing to watch her explore. She will be 10 months on Saturday?!?!?! Here’s a pic from this weekend. The second picture is of Lucia with her cousin Sebastian, who was born 2 weeks before Marco. Love to you all! Marco – This weekend we went on our annual Memorial Day trip. Three years ago I was just 11 weeks or so pregnant with you. I felt your presence in a special way this weekend. I love you.

  • It's nice to see an update from you.  There are so many different griefs associated with loss, and they sometimes just creep up on you even when you thought you had them nicely tucked away.  That loss of perfection, hope, and naivete is a real loss.  It's tangible, and I too find it pops up when I see the life we were supposed to have come to fruition for someone else.  

    Hugs momma, I can not believe she is already 10 months- so adorable.  Hope tomorrows appointment goes well.

    Lauren

  • So nice to see you here. It must be bittersweet to see Lucia with Sebastian. Big hugs to you and to sweet Marco in your heart.

    I hope the OB can get you back on track. Who wants their period, but it's weird not to have it when you know it should be there.

    Is working at home cool? I always want to but then I think I wouldn't get anything done!

    Lucia is beautiful, as always. Thanks for the super-cute pics.

    Shannon

  • Libby:

    So nice to hear you are working home, and have more time with Lucia. Oh that sadness... I also came of it with my terms.... is not as it used to be, is like my private feeling, like a way of talking and reaching for my angel..... Lucia is beautiful and so big now, live her pics..... Oh girl, I hope everything is fine, and who can said, hope it is a nice 40 weeks surprise......

    hugs

    Lorena

  • I mean I liked her pic..:-)

  • She's adorable!!!  I can't believe she's 10 months already!!!!

    I hear ya on the feelings about your friends.....never wish anything on them, but it just makes you feel weird.  I'm totally there every time I welcome another baby into my life.

    Hugs to you as you enjoy that new job arrangement and Miss Priss.

    Tracy

  • Libby, Lucia is so adorable!!!  I love those crawling pics:)  It's good to hear that you are feeling your groove.  I'm glad that you are able to recall those earlier holiday moments while carrying Marco.  No doubt big brother is keeping a watchful eye on his sister:)  I'll be thinking about Lucia as she inches closer to turning 1 (our kiddos share a birthday).

    Hugs,

    Lindsay

  • Hi Libby- so good to hear from you, and what a doll baby Lucia is!

    i completely get that feeling of seeing the blissfully naive pregnant women...i was hoping that would go away after conceiving again, but i realize it will be with me forever.

    I hope your ob gets your cycle and cervix sorted out.  Did you have any complications after Lucia or Marco's births?  I've had the sonohysterogram done myself.

    that's soooooo great your able to work from home, and only 32 hrs!!!!  not sure what our plans are going to be, but i really really want to stay home with Bella, and maybe these new babies.....we'll see.

    talk to you later,

    Jennifer

  • Lucia is so cute:)... She has the best smile I love it. It must be so nice to work from home and less hours of course. I am in the same boat with the period... Not like anyone really enjoys theirs but it's nice to know your body is working. I have been on progesterone for two months and I finally got one after 14 months!! They found that my hormones are out of whack. I hope they are able to figure it out

    Brooke

  • Libby,

    Lucia is gorgeous! She looks like such a happy baby.

    I'm sure that being around Sebastian is a constant reminder of what should have been for you and Bruno with Marco. I see twin boys -- or any five year old little boys ... and I wonder. I don't think we'll ever stop.

    As for not getting your period yet -- are you still nursing? If you are -- then it's completely normal not to have a period yet. With Kaelin -- she was 14 months old before mine came back. Not sure what it will be with Kelsey once I wean her later this year. I kind of like not having one! :)

    erin

  • Fertility, fertility...one  of my many prayers for you and your family. xo Lisa