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To start off, I have to say thank you to everyone who has read my blog and for all of the comments. They all mean so much to me and Bruno. It has been about a month since my last post and I have been coping pretty well. It gets a little easier each week. My little Marco is always in my mind. Yesterday was such a beautiful day here, I couldn't help but to think that he was up in heaven telling me that he is OK and happy. Life is moving on. We've been doing things that we like to do again. Bruno and I have both celebrated a birthday in the last month. The birthdays have been bittersweet. It's impossible not to think of how different things would have been now had everything been "normal". I would have been about 36 weeks pregnant now. We would have been working hard to get everything ready. That is not our life now though, so I try not to get stuck in the "would-have-been". It's just that when you find out you're going to have a baby, your whole sense of purpose changes. Now I'm having to return to the time before I had that change of purpose, and I don't really want to. It's unnatural and it's hard. At times I almost miss those 2 weeks that I was in the hospital on bedrest. I feel like I was there fighting for something. My life really did have a greater purpose at that time. My body being a constant reminder does not help much. It's so hard seeing my body having gone through a whole transformation with the pregnancy and having no baby to show for it. I went to a yoga class at my gym for the first time last week. I almost had a meltdown in the middle of class (I was able to hold it together until the end) - I just wanted to shout out loud to everyone what I had just been through. I saw the perinatologist who delivered Marco 2 weeks ago for follow up on the c-section incision. This doctor saw me almost every day that I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. He delivered the baby and he saw me the day after delivery and gave me his condolences on the baby. When I saw him in his office for the follow up, I assumed he remembered who I was - or at least that the chart would have jogged his memory. As he was examining my incision, he proceeded to ask me how the baby was doing. I really couldn't believe my ears. I could understand that he may not have remembered me - but at least read the chart!!! It was really just frustrating. I felt as though I had built some trust with him, which just went right out the door. I saw my OB the following week. She told me that I should wait at least 3 full months before attempting pregnancy again. We'll be meeting with the genetics doctor on December 4th to review the autopsy results. We are just praying that she doesn't think there is a high risk of this recurring. When she saw us in the hosptial for a consult before Marco was born, she said she didn't see any reason why we shouldn't be able to have a healthy baby in the future. We're just hoping that that stands now that she has more information. The short couple of hours that I had with Marco seem more like a blur. I'm glad I have pictures to remember it by. My little Marco. I go back to work tomorrow. I think I'm ready. It will be good to get back into my normal routine. It will be hard though as this is not the way I had intended on returning to work. Right now I'm just trying to stay focused on being hopeful for our future. I'm praying that next time around it's a different story. Thank you again for everyone who has been following my story and for all of the support. I will update it again after our meeting with the genetics doctor if not before.