Share Your Story

Eight years ago today, my sister Lisa, 7 years old than me, was 31 weeks pregnant with her second.  She was at the hospital receiving a magnesium sulfate IV drip to stop her preterm labor.

I was there with her, holding her hand and comforting her.  I was also pregnant, 27 weeks, with Marco.  

A chaplain came in to her room while I was there and talked with us for a short time.  She remarked about me being pregnant too, and how nice that was that my sister and I were pregnant together.  She asked if I knew what we were having, and I told her we were waiting to find out.

What I didn't the chaplain was that my beloved baby in my belly was indeed very sick and had was in trouble.  I could have brought it up, but it wasn't the time.  My sister needed the support then.  She had been such a support for me during my entire pregnancy, often in tears on the phone while I gave her the update from the latest perinatologist.  She was the one who needed the support now.  She was struggling to keep her little one safely in utero, and she was scared, too.

The chaplain said an Our Father prayer with us before she left.  The three of us all held hands.  Tears streaming down Lisa's and my eyes, crying for each other, for each other's babies who both needed the prayers.

It was one of the most tender moments that she and I have ever shared.  Our babies, Sebastian and Marco, connected through their mothers' love for each other and each other's babies.  

The next day, Lisa's labor continued, and Sebastian was born, 9 weeks early.

Two days after that, I was admitted to the hospital on bed rest due to concern about the blood flow in the umbilical cord.  Thirteen days after that, Marco was born and died.  

This time of year always brings me back to those days.  It's not that I "like" reliving it, but remembering it all makes me feel closer to Marco.  

Tomorrow, Sebastian will turn 8.  Despite his early arrival, he is a healthy and happy kiddo - FULL of energy!  I am so thankful for him and the life that he brought during such a dark time for our family.

I sometimes think back and feel sad for my sister who was dealing with giving birth to a 31 weeker at the same time I lost my baby.  I know that what she was going through might have been minimized by what I was dealing with.  There was never resentment between us though, and always just a deep love and understanding.  I think she has some survivors guilt - Sebastian lived, and Marco didn't.  In years past when planning one of Sebby's birthday parties, she said she was feeling sad because Marco should be having a birthday party now, too.  She has had to work through a lot, as I have.  

And so the countdown is on.  The countdown to the end of Marco's life.  What a whirlwind it all was.  I'll walk the next 13 days remembering it all.

Marco, sometimes I don't know how I made it through that time.  There was so much uncertainty, fear and sadness.  I'll never understand it.  But it happened the way it happened, and so it is.  You are not here in body with us.  You are not here to have a party with your cousin Sebastian.  But you are with us.  We know you are, as we feel your love always shining a ray of light. 

Sebastian and Lucia this summer at the beach showing off their henna tattoos 

And just because, here are my two little Rainbows, Lucia and Annabelle :)