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I think I had mentioned a few posts back that we could not find any of the pictures from my pregnancy with Lucia. Bruno thought he had backed them up on his desktop, but alas, they were not there. Well - we FOUND them - on an old computer of ours that Bruno had given to his brother.
I needed this today. I needed to see these pictures. Pictures of hope. Yes - I was a nervous wreck during my pregnancy with Lucia. Yes, I felt like it was too good to be true that I would bring a living, healthy baby home from the hospital - but through all the fear and doubt, I still had hope. Hope pulled me through. As I looked through the pictures this evening, I realized how few we actually took. I wish we would have taken more. As many of you mommas have also expressed - I so wish I would have enjoyed my pregnancy with her more. Yes, I did enjoy it. I talked to her and relished all her kicks. Bruno and I dreamed about what the baby would be like and look like. We picked names and put together a nursery. I even had a baby shower. But as you all know, behind all that was the ugly fear that anything could go wrong at anytime.
Lucia is here - thankfully (I feel like that is an understatement), she made it through 38 weeks and 4 days in utero safely, and she made her way out safely. Thankfully I now have the pictures we took during the pregnancy. I wish we had more - but we have some, and that is better than none!
I had told Bruno when we initially couldn't find the pictures that I could not handle the loss of the pictures and that I would not, could not accept it. I told him that if we had in fact lost them, it would be a loss. I would grieve them. I know, I know - it sounds a bit dramatic. But, sometimes, when you have lost so much, it makes you cling onto all the other important things that you have that much more - and these are important - they are memories of my pregnancy with Lucia.
Seeing these pictures today gave me more hope. Hope that someday we will have another. A little sibling here for Lucia to play with. Another life...someday. Here's to hope!!
Marco - If anyone taught me how to have hope - it was you. I love you, angel.
Here is one of the pics from the stash...
I thought I lost all of Makaela's pictures from the first few weeks and had a similar breakdown and it felt like a loss... and had we not found them... I would have grieved like you. The moments are all so precious, and no matter how many times you count them, just too few, too fast. The pictures help us have those pause moments.
Beeeautiful picture filled with love.
What a great picture. I love that you had hope, even if it was tempered by the knowledge that anything could go wrong. I'm so, so glad the pictures were found.
Here's to continued hope,
Libby, I am so glad to hear that you found the pictures!!! What a relief! Such precious moments. Little Lucia will enjoy looking at them to and often:) I can't wait to see you and give you a hug!
So glad you found them! I know someday Lucia will love looking at them. You look great, as always!
Libby I am so glad that you found your pictures. Like you I have very few pictures of my pregnancy with Keira. My pregnancy was filled with so much worry and so fear that I just couldn't take the time to cherish those moments that I had with her. I really really with that I would have. I am soooo happy that you found your pictures.
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