MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

FRUSTRATED

Ok, so I know that I've only been trying again for 4 months. But it has been 4 long months - and 2 LONG cycles. I did a pregnancy test last night in hopes that I was pregnant, which would explain why my cycle is now 53 days long. Not pregnant. I'm just so frustrated. If I'm not pregnant, then could I at least just have a regular cycle??? I feel robbed of even being able to try right now. I feel like my body is just working against me. I feel like the more I want to get pregnant, the least likely it is that it's going to happen. How can I not think about it though? How can I not think about the one thing that matters so much to me - being a mother? I know I need to be patient, have faith, have hope. I'm trying. It's hard. Very hard. Now that the weather is getting nicer here, all the neighborhood kids have been out in full force playing at the little playground right in front of my house. There are a lot of young children in the neighborhood. It's one of the things I loved most about it here when we moved in. Now I find it harder and harder to look out my window. To see all those cute little kids playing out there. All the parents sitting on the bench chatting about parenthood, occasionally breaking conversation to spot their toddler as they navigate down the slide. Fortunate for them, they don't know the dark side of parenthood that I know. I hope they never have to know it. Please Marco, give me the strength I need to be patient and to believe. I love you baby.

  • I can imagine how frustrating this must be.  It's hard to see others with what you find most precious after what has happened.  

    I'm not sure how I missed it, but I love the pics of the walk and am glad that you were able to honor little Marco with your strength.  

    Tracy

  • Patience. Yes...yes. Around every turn I feel that I am always understanding the lesson of patience. I shouldn't say understanding .....probably fighting through it is more like it.

    I read a blog in the beginning of my journey that said that looking back she was glad that it had taken them awhile to get pregnant again. That the time she had before she started the challenge of being pregnant again that she had worked through so much.

    That makes sense to me now. It has been almost 9 months since I last held zach and at this point I can say that I am thankful for this time.

    Hang in there Libby. I totally understand and hear your frusteration. Someday you will be able to write a post and says that in the end it all worked out....

    :)

    Zsuzsi

  • I hope that you will have your good news soon.  Parents who've never experienced this just don't get it.  They can only offer up a few choice words that somehow make us want to scream even more.  I'm learning to not be too hard on others.  On myself, well, that's a different story.  I'm so glad that you did the MOD walk.  We walked as well last weekend and while sad, it makes me feel as though I am helping.  I know that our sons would be proud of us:)  I really liked your sign that you made.  It was very special.

    Best of luck,

    Lindsay

  • I'm with you Libby!  Everyone but me and one other girl on a TTC after loss board that came on the same time has moved on after getting pregnant, and there I am still stuck!  WOW, 53 days is definitely a long cycle!  Did you have problems with this before you lost little Marco or is it just since?  I hated that when I was TTC before, I woudl go anywhere from 3 all the way up to 14 (only one time) weeks between cycles, and it was like, come on already just let me be pregnant or start my period don't just leave me hanging!  I've been seeing all the kids out too and just wishing that that will be me with my kids someday soon.  Keeping you in my thoughts and sending you strength!

    Stacy

  • Hi Sweetheart,  I'm sorry it's been so frustrating for you.  I'm sure it will happen when the time is right for your body.  My friend Rob and his wife had trouble getting pregnant.  She is 41 and the docs told her she only had a 5% chance of getting pregnant.  After trying many things that did not work (she wanted to avoid hormone treatment) she went on a holistic diet and walla - she got pregnant.  I don't know if that would work for you or not but thought it might be worth mentioning.  Should you want to get in touch with her just let me know.  Meanwhile - I hope you can just take care of yourself - physically and mentally.  You've been through a lot and are still recovering.  As always, I send all my love to you, Bruno and Marco.  ~Uncle B~