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When I first found out that I was pregnant in early November, Bruno and I agreed that we weren't going to say anything to Lucia about it until we were ready to tell the world. After all, she is a 3 year old, and we were sure that she'd spill the beans at her own liberty. Also, we didn't want to get her pumped up too early on. Of course, as we all unfortunately know, anything can go wrong at any point during the pregnancy, but it seemed the best to wait at least a few months to tell her.
Well, that didn't last so long. At around 7ish weeks in, she jump/sat pretty hard on my lower abdomen...which was enough to scare us into telling her, hoping that by doing so, she'd be more cautious with her very active little body around me. I don't know that what we were saying really sunk in. She gave a funny little response and looked me up and down, and went about her business of jumping on her bed.
I think that she it's really starting to come together for her now though. My belly is getting bigger, and I think that is making it more real to her. We've been talking about it more, and we have our nickname for the baby also.
Just in the last couple of weeks, she's started to express more interest in what's going on by wanting to give my belly a hug and kiss, and saying things like "I love you Baby Sparky". Tonight as I was tucking her into bed, she was talking about the baby and asking me questions. "Maybe next time we go to the grocery store, we can get a toy for Baby Sparky? No, not the grocery store. Target, yeah, Target." Back to sucking her thumb and thinking. "And we have bottles for the baby." Suck thumb. "Do we have diapies"? (diapers). Then she suggested that we'll need a play room for Sparky, but then thought twice about that, and exclaimed excitedly, "maybe Baby Sparky can play in my play room with ME?!"
And that's when it really gets me that the stakes are so so high. So high. Not only do we want this baby so badly for us, but we also want this baby so badly for Lucia too. I know that many of the parents in the loss community have suffered a loss of a baby while already having a living child at home, and have had to go through the pain of dealing with their grief and their child's grief, and the pain of explaining what happened to their child(ren).
It's definitely different this time, with this pregnancy. The fear is very much there, even though I am doing a relatively good job at staying positive and centered. But the fear is not just for us if something were to go wrong, but also for Lucia. Anyway, I try not to stay fixated on all of this - and I suppose that's why I really feel the need to write about. I need to acknowledge it and then let myself keep going. I have a feeling that now that I've finally put my pregnancy out there, I'll be blogging a lot more to process all of this. It feels good to be able to write - or blog - it out!
Marco, I know that you see Lucia's excitement in anticipation of this little one. Please continue to watch over us, little guy. We love you so.
So I missed your last post. To make up for that, OMG!!! Congrats!!! What a huge deal, I am so excited!!
I am sorry that you got electrocuted, but that is an adorable nickname, Sparky.
Oh I wish I could hug you, I am sure the fear and anxiet is there and will stay. My boys are so attached to our baby, and I found that Easton became attached immediately upon hearing there was a baby in my belly. It brings the anxiety to a whole different level.
I love that Lucia is so concerned about all the supplies the baby will need, what a fantastic big sister already!! I am thankful that your first two appointments went well and that baby has a strong heartbeat. I hope you are able to feel the baby kick soon, so that you can have that reassurance as well.
Oh my gosh lil' Lucia is such a honey pot! I think she's gotten some of her beautiful compassionate soul from being a lil' sib to Marco- not to mention being your daughter! Apples don't fall far from trees. :)
Continuing to send lots of peaceful wishes your way,
Siblings are so very much a part of who we grow to become. Prayers each day for this little love, Baby Sparky, to grow strong and healthy. And prayers for your heart to ease the worry that is understandably there.
I love that she want's to share her playroom. Melt my heart! I adore her. :-)
I think one of the things that makes this journey so hard is knowing the right things to say to the girls. My heart hurts a little extra for each one of them. I love hearing how excited she is to share her playroom with her new sibling.
I am so excited for you all and I am sending many hugs and lots of positive thoughts your way.
That little girl has this all planned out! Look out pocket book.....Lucia is shopping for "Sparky" at Target!!!
I'm so excited for you and totally get why the anxiety is there as well. Continue to stay positive and enjoy every moment!
Hello, congratulations on the pregnancy! ! I experienced a loss while my other son was 2 years old. The next time I got pregnant I did not want to tell anyone for a long time but he started blabbing away to everyone and anyone that would listen. It was nice to see his excitement and it distracted me temporarily from my own anxieties of being pregnant again. Wish you the best!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I can't imagine how exciting yet how scary it is to have a little girl so excited about being a big sister. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for an uneventful and blessed pregnancy with a healthy baby at the end.
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