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Hope is a funny thing. It plays tricks on your mind. I have not lost hope of some day having another baby. However, when the natural biology of your body doesn’t seem to be working the way it should, the hope-meter seems to get a little lower. Then you remind yourself – no, I can’t give up hope, some day it will work out. One of the beads I have on a bracelet that I wear everyday reminds me of this. The bracelet was made by one of the ladies whom I have spoken with at March of Dimes. It spells out Marco Luis in alphabet beads on one half of the bracelet. The other half of the bracelet has a small oval silver-colored bead that says HOPE. The HOPE bead was nice and silver when I first started wearing the bracelet. Now that I’ve been wearing it ever day for a couple of months, it’s tarnished. It’s more of a bronzy color…not as shiny. The silver (or nickel, or whatever it is) is rubbing off. The hope is still there, I have been wearing it for a while now – but it’s changing. My hope is still there. The meter goes up and down. I want to have faith in my body…faith in the process by which a woman conceives. My body is testing me though. I have found a new OBGYN. I feel like I am in good hands with her…which gives me hope :) I’m praying that she can help me get to the bottom of what’s going on. I went to the beach last weekend with my husband. I vividly remember last year going to the beach this same week with my family. On our way there, Bruno and I were picking out baby names. This year, there was no picking of baby names to do. Marco was not physically present like I was planning him to be. However, he was in my heart as he always is. I ended up having a wonderful vacation. I let go. I felt more clear-headed than I have in a long time. When I swam in the ocean, I felt like I was actively participating in life. I will never get to hold Marco as he splashes in the waves. That is a painful reality. But, I can go in the waves and enjoy them as I know he would have wanted to. Another great moment for me was watching the sunrise. It’s something that I try to do when I go to the beach, but don’t always do since it’s so early. I didn’t want to miss out this year though. I needed to do it. It was beautiful. So – here I am, back from vacation, back to reality. Feeling a little better than before I left for vacation. Hanging on tightly to hope. Pictures below are of the sunset on the bay and the beautiful sunrise on the Atlantic.