MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

HOW LONG?

I have had potential blog posts running through my mind all week. It’s not been a good week for me. I can feel my anxiety ringing inside me like one of those old fashioned school bells. It’s waiting to attach itself to anything I’m feeling even the slightest bit vulnerable about. It’s more annoying than anything. I wish it would just leave me alone. I took the Tamoxifen as directed by my OB this cycle – days 3-7. Silly me, I guess I thought that even if I didn’t get pregnant, that I’d at least ovulate. Well, here I am…day 21. I don’t think I’ve ovulated yet. Last week I felt a fullness in my ovaries though, and I really thought that something was happening down there. I guess there’s a chance that I ovulated but the ovulation predictor kit was either wrong, or I missed my surge? I don’t know. I just don’t know. My OB wants to just “see what happens” this cycle since it’s my first on the medication. Next cycle she will probably monitor me (whatever that means) to help me detect ovulation. Anyway, I feel frustrated. How long will I have to deal with this? How long will I have to talk about ovulation (a word I’m getting sick of, quite frankly)? How long? I ask myself this knowing that this is the wrong question to ask. There is no answer right now. The answer is “as long as it takes”. I know. I know I was just writing about “linear thinking” just a couple of blog posts ago…encouraging myself to get away from thinking that I can handle this if it only lasts a short time more. I’m looking for that strength and courage that I wrote about last time. I’m not really feeling it as much as I would like to right now. It’s in me somewhere, I guess I just need to find it. Marco, help me find the strength and courage I need to get through this...however long it takes.

  • Wishing "wasted" time away is irritiating. I know what you mean. Every cycle I am not on meds moving toward IVF or FET seems wasted to me. You must feel that way about waiting for ovulation.

    You can handle this because you have to. Because you want to be a mom to a baby who can be at home with you, you will do whatever it takes even though it feels like you may go crazy. The third anniversary of our TTC just passed and I could never have believed I'd still be trying if you'd told me what we would have gone through and would still be going through.

    You can do this and it will work! Hope for soon, but eventually will have to do.

    Keep trying. It will be worth it!

    Shannon

  • I wish we could all have a crystal ball to look into the future, and know, for sure, when we would have a little one to bring home.  It would make all of this so much easier, give us so much less stress.  The constant worrying about getting pregnant.  The constant stressing about staying pregnant long enough to bring baby home.  The constant worry of is my little one ok, is he or she healthy in there?  Tons and tons of hugs coming your way!  I hope that you and the doctors can figure out and correct whatever is not working right.  Like Shannon said, keep trying, it's got to be worth all this pain and heartache!

    Stacy

  • That just stinks- and i'm feeling just as down.  i hate all this waiting, anticipating, waiting, and did i mention waiting.  it's really hard.  and though i've only been trying for four months now, going on my fifth, it feels like years not months!  it shouldn't be this hard, should it?

    i'm sorry i don't have anything positive to say, just wanted you to know that i'm right there with you. :)

    Jennifer

  • How frustrating and crappy! I am sick of that "o" word too! Why can't it just happen!

    I know those days that you feel weak...it stinks because just when you think you are getting somewhere something else happens and it sends you into a tailspin.

    Baby Marco loves his mommy, I do know that and when I have those moments of complete devastation come over me I think of Jay and Morgan and the memories I have of them and as always a tearful smile comes to my face.

    Hugs,

    Kami

  • Oh how I know that UGH feeling so well.  I had cycles and cycles of UGH.  I hated being given false hope... so please don't take this as such, but even when I was being given injections to O OPKs never picked it up even though I would know exactly what day everything popped per se 'cause I was charting my temperatures.  I hope that is the case for you, but if not I do recommend temping... it made me feel more in charge of what was going on.  I felt I had lest "wasted" time because if the meds didn't work... I knew it.  I also always got my progesterone levels taken at CD21 or 7 DPO to confirm...

    Ok this is becoming a book.... just know you're not alone.  

    Hugs,

    Lauren