Somewhere Over the Rainbow


  • very touching...I have been reflecting on that lately if I had one more chance and could go back.  the last time I visited with Scott and we knew he was going to pass in the next few hours I remember the nurse telling me to sit and hold my him.  I didn't want too just because I knew it would be so hard.  But I did and now two years later I'm am so thankful that nurse "made" me do it.  I wish I would have gotten a photo of just Colin and Scott....but like you said at the end we loved them and that has to be enough.

  • Very true. Your last statement rings true to my heart. The what ifs play out all the time in my mind. What if I hadn't let her have that surgery, if I could do it again what would I have done differently...these questions only make the healing harder because there is no going back. We only have today.  I question sometimes if I did the best for my daughter but I know in my heart that she knew that we (her father and I ) loved her dearly. If love was enough, she would be here healthy and whole.

    Love your post and thank you for it....


  • Reading this post reflects where I am in my grief process, for the pass week I've asking myself (what if) there's do much things I would do differently, not sure if the results would be different because it was so sudden for me him dying was so unexpected.  One thing I'm thankful for was the opportunity to hold him until he took his last breath even though saying goodbye was hard, the nurse was so patient and understanding, also we were able to get his hand and foot mold that is something of him we'll have forever.

    Very touching post, thank you for sharing.

  • Libby,

    I read your post via link on FB, and you touched my heart. I, too, wish I could go back -- because I should have held Casey when he was alive, instead of being in such shock and just looking at him. how I regret that instead of arguing with the doctor that he should go to the NICU, that I should have spent that time cradling him, interacting with him in those brief minutes he was alive. But, I can't go back ... and I try to live and parent my daughters in a way that they would be proud of me. I've taken Ethan & Casey's short lives -- and made them matter. I've made them eternal ... in that they will live in my heart and my actions until I meet them again some day. That love and devotion ... has to be enough.


  • Libby,

    Five years later and I still find myself wondering what I would have done differently. As a matter of fact I was talking with my husband about creating a "guide book" for the nursing staff. Things they could gently encourage the parents to do during their time with their child. I wish I could have bathed Arianna and dressed her. I got to keep her for several days and she always came to me each day in a new outfit, I wish I would have been the one to dress her. I also wish I would have taken more photos. I have 36 pictures and I wish I had a thousand. No matter what I would have gotten I know that I would always want more.


  • I love you my friend. You are a gifted writer.  Thank you for sharing this.  I have so many things I would have done differently.  I am so thankful that my friend had her digital camera.  I don't even know what I would do without those pictures.