MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

IT'S COMING BACK

Well...after about 2 weeks of deciding to take a break from trying to conceive, I'm already starting to feel the itch creep back in. I think my anxiety is wearing off a little, which has left more room in my brain for thinking about a new baby. I've also been thinking about Marco a lot, as I always do. Thinking about all that went wrong. How hard we fought for him. How much we wanted him. How scary it was in the OR when he was born and how unfair it felt to have to say goodbye to him too soon. It got me thinking about all of the thousands of women each day who walk into the hospital and deliver a healthy baby. Everything goes as planned. Their baby is dried off, weighed, given that eye ointment, and wrapped up like a little torpedo in a blanket with one of those pink/blue hospital hats to be handed to the tired but happy mom. It's amazing how many times that does happen. Do they know just how lucky they are? Just how blessed they are? To have that little baby that made it through pregnancy and delivery safely? Do they know how many angel moms are out there yearning for their angel babies? Do they know how many babies are born prematurely or with health problems who will have a long and difficult hospital course? I miss Marco, and I wish he were here. How bad I wish things would have been different. I wish that I could get pregnant again. I wish that some day Bruno and I are handed a little baby wrapped like a torpedo in the hospital. Today is Bruno's and my 3 year anniversary. We've been through so much this last year. I never in a million years would have thought that we would have had to deal with a situation like this. It has made us stronger though, and I have to be grateful for that. I know Marco is smiling down on us today. Marco angel, Mommy and Daddy love you with every ounce of our being.

  • Leeb, I hope that you are able to find joy in celebrating your anniversary today.  You are a beautiful couple who have handled your loss with such "togetherness"   I love you and am proud of you both.  Lisa

  • O, Libby,

    It breaks my heart that you and Bruno have to celebrate your 3 year anniversary without Marco.

    I am praying that all of your wishes come true - and I am sure that one day you guys will be able to have a little "torpedo" handed to you screaming from the top of his/her lungs.

    You deserve it.

    I hope you guys have a nice day and enjoy your anniversary.

    Hugs!

    Julia

  • Libby,

    i sympathize with you so much; ttc can be so consuming in our situations, and it's really hard to take a step back and breath.  how many people have told you to relax and don't try so hard, and then it will happen...well, easier said than done!

    i'm not sure many women realize how lucky they are to have a normal healthy pregnancy....i think this is what i envy most.  pregnancy is supposed to be a happy carefree time to enjoy.  but alas, not for us, not for angel mommies.

    Happy 3rd anniversary- i hope you'll be able to celebrate your love in a special way today.  

    jennifer

  • Libby,

        I sure hope that they know how lucky they are that they get to bring their little one home.  Many many hugs to you, and happy anniversary!!

    Stacy

  • Libby -

    Happy Anniversary.  I loved your picture on facebook.  I think I may be able to recognize you at the reunion -- maybe.  I can't wait to give you a BIG hug!!!  

    As for your thoughts -- man o man are we tough on ourselves.  Thinking about the past over-and-over-and-over again.  It can just hurt so much!!  

    I like to think that people who have healthy babies realized how blessed they are.  I think we are going into a new era where people actually talk about and expose that they have lost a child.  I know with Tim's grandma, her loss was all hush-hush.  No one was allowed to talk about it.  Also, hearing how many people lost children with early miscarriages after we lost Zach.  There are so many people out there who have lost in one way or another.  I always think that someone must know someone who lost a child, or who had/has a tough time conceiving.  I would hope that most see it as a gift.

    Have a wonderful night and thanks again for being YOU!

    -Zsuzsi

  • I hope you had a wonderful anniversary. Your husband seems to be such a wonderful support to you.

    I wish you all the hope in the world to look forward to your future with Marco in you heart and a healthy baby in your arms.

    Hugs,

    Kami

  • I think most women don't ever think about the 'what ifs' unless they've been through them before.  I know I never did until I was put on hospital bedrest.  I always just thought that you got pregnant and 40 weeks later you had a baby.

    I was so amazed when I was brought back to the nursery and saw so many babies... lying there in incubators with all those tubes.  I think that's when it hit me.  Not all pregnancies go as planned.

    I can't imagine what all you angel mommies must go through everyday.  I carry you all in my thoughts often.  Sometimes I feel guilty that although Kaitlyn was 8 weeks early, she's here and some of my friend's babies are not.  I can tell you that I don't take one day for granted.  

    Thank you for sharing your story.  I can't wait to meet you in ATL :) So many hugs to give!

                           Julie