MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

IT'S COMPLICATED

You know how on Facebook, there’s an “it’s complicated” choice for your relationship status? I think there needs to be a universal understanding of using that answer when asked if you have kids also. I know that every angel mom has had that dreaded question asked…”do you have kids?” So innocent a question to the naïve person who asks it, so complicated a question to the angel mom who doesn’t know how to answer it…who may give a different answer depending on who asks it, and on what day. Sometimes I like when people ask me if I have kids, so that I have a chance to tell them about my little angel Marco. How else will they know about him? Other times though, I just really want to avoid the question at all costs. You can usually tell when it’s coming too, but it’s hard to escape sometimes. Anyway – someone asked me yesterday in conversation if I had kids. She has 2. We were actually at a baby shower…lots of people and kids around (it was co-ed). It was within a conversation about work. We were talking about a job that I had wanted to do a while back that would require a lot of travel. When I responded that I didn’t have kids, she was like “oh, you should totally do that job now, before you have kids.” I just wanted to say – “you know, it’s complicated”. I didn’t really feel it was an appropriate time to tell her about Marco because there were lots of people around, and it was a baby shower. I think Marco understood. It’s crazy how such a question seems so simple to most people, but yet to us angel moms, it’s such a complex question. A question that is never easily answered. I wish I was one of those women who thought you either have kids or you don’t. One that doesn’t know much about this other side of being a parent. I’m not though, and that will never change. This week, Bruno received a sweater in the mail that he had ordered online. He opened the box and tried it on. I remarked that the sweater made him look like he needed to be sitting by a fireplace with a cigar and a scotch on the rocks. He laughed and said “yeah, I look like a dad.” He then responded quickly to himself saying “I am a dad.” If that doesn’t show how complex it is to be a parent of an angel, I don’t know what does. Marco, your daddy hung your ornament first on our tree this year. Oh how I love you baby.

  • Libby,

    Lance and I have moments like that all the time.  "It's complicated", wow, yes that captures things so well.  The life of an angel mom takes 'It's complicated' to the next level.

    My thoughts are with you always,

    Lauren

  • I think we should get t-shirts with "it's complicated" printed on it!!!  On the back, it can say my other motto---"It is what it is!"

    I think Marco understood how you needed to answer the question.  

    Hugs to you!

    Tracy

  • Libby-I love that ornament.

    I am sure Marco completely understood your answer to that question.

    Katie

  • I understand how you feel completely. I am right there too. Yesturday I was asked for the first time after losing my son Jamez if I had kids. I didn't know how to answer it. I didn't really answer it. My heart droped and I wanted to cry. It is complicated.

    I love the ornament.

    Laura

  • Libby,

    You could have written my own blog with your words.  "Its complicated"...this seems to be the new norm for all angel families.  I have those exact moments when sometimes I want to talk about Baron and literally other times I just stare at the person asking me the question and never respond???  How I long to be so naive again

  • 'It's complicated' - you've nailed it right on the head...it's weird how you can see the question coming, and so true that your answer may change  depending on the day...it's complicated. :)

    Bruno's comment made me smile...we've all been there.

    I really like Marco's ornament- do you remember where you got it?

    Jennifer

  • Libby:

    I totally agree with you.... it is complicated, even if you have a kid..... specially here were families have 3 or 4 children, always ppl were asking me why I just have one kid? First is not their problem I wanted to scream.... sometimes I catched myself telling totally  strangers all my misfortunes to have another baby and my angel's story..... so I completly understand you..... hard question to answer.....

    You brought tears to my eyes when I saw Marco's christmas ornament.... the legend, is what it is written in Antonella's  grave stone...

    big hug

    Lorena

  • Libby,

       I love that, "it's complicated" describes it all so well!  It's answering the question without having to get into the dirty details and getting awkward looks.  I definitely give a different answer for every situation, so frustrating.  Wow, that seriously brought tears to my eyes about Bruno receiving the sweater, so complex our lives are.  Tons of hugs coming to both you and Bruno.

    Stacy

  • Can I get in on the t-shirt action too?  This phrase pretty much sums it up for me too.  Oh Libby, how right you are!  I get this (un)expected question all the time and I never know how to answer.  It does depend on what day and who it is and whether or not I have the will or energy to share our son's story.  I love the ornament.  It is so special and I am so glad that your hubby stopped himself and remembered that he IS a dad.

    Hugs,

    Lindsay

  • Your post brought tears, Libby. I'm sure Marco will always understand that you never deny him in your heart, just sometimes you have to save yourself some pain by letting him stay there instead of bringing him out to share.

    The ornament is beautiful.

    Love, Shannon

  • Certainly is complicated. It just sucks because it shouldn't be. It should be the easiest question to answer.

    I love the ornament. Very sweet. Marco is smiling down on his mommy and daddy.

    Hugs,

    Kami

  • Believe in the power of nature.....you are not short-changing Marco by not sharing about him when it doesn't feel right.  He understands.....and so does anyone who knows what you and Bruno have been through.

    Love you!!