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It’s storming out right now. The rolling thunder and large raindrops are reflective of how my heart feels tonight. In the cul-de-sac I live in there are 16 kids under the age of 6. On a walk earlier with Bruno and the dogs, I noticed that one of the neighbors is pregnant with her second child. I’m very happy for her, but would be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel bummed for me. They all hang out together…all of the families and kids. There’s a little playground in the middle of the cul-de-sac. They are often all out there together or in groups. They are all very nice. They all showed and voiced their support after the loss of Marco. They never bring him up anymore though. I am pretty sure that they all assume that I’m trying to get pregnant again. And it’s pretty obvious that I’m still not pregnant. I think they feel awkward around me. I’m sure that’s why my neighbor hasn’t told me she’s pregnant yet. Ahh…this all just SUCKS! I know. I know that me getting pregnant again won’t make everything right. It won’t bring Marco back. A new baby will never replace him. I know that getting pregnant again will bring a whole new wave of emotions. It will be very scary and stressful. I want it though. I want a baby. I want for Bruno and me to be parents together. I want for us to be able to experience the joys of parenthood rather than the sorrows of parenthood. I want us to be able to plan our baby’s birthday parties rather than out baby’s burial. I guess it all comes back to the fact that I just miss Marco. I wish he were here sleeping in his crib right now like he should be, maybe needing some comfort from me because of the loud storm. I love you Marco. I miss you. I know you are my angel helping me get through my storm.