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It could have been yesterday. That’s how well I remember it. It was 4 years ago on Good Friday when I found out I was pregnant with Marco. I remember getting my coffee in the office that morning. It was odd because I took a sip, and then didn’t really want anymore, which is not like me. I had been off of birth control for about 4 months, but had only had one cycle. When I got home from work that day, I thought I’d take a pregnancy test. I didn’t really think I’d be pregnant. I was more taking it to rule it out. I had taken one the Friday before, and it was negative. I remember vividly sitting on the stairs thinking “what the hell…just take it, then you won’t have to wonder”. When I saw that 1st pink line appear, I actually was in shock. My hand started shaking. A wave of emotions that I had never felt came over me. I just couldn’t believe it. Pregnant?!?! What?!?! Holy S%^T?! Still shaking, I ran down to where Bruno was sitting at the computer and shoved the test in his face, speechless. He had no idea what he was looking at, so I told him. He didn’t believe it either. He didn’t see how a little pee test with 2 pink lines could be accurate. I knew though. I knew it was right and that I was pregnant. We went to church that evening because it was Good Friday. Mass on Good Friday is a somber one, but I remember standing there in church feeling on top of the moon. I felt like I had this big, wonderful secret that nobody else knew. I was pregnant, and for that moment, I thought it was so special that Bruno and I were the only people who knew. A human was forming inside of me at that moment – how incredible! We were going to be parents. Our first baby. A dream come true. We went to the grocery store after church to buy another pregnancy test because Bruno wanted to try a different brand – a digital one. It was so funny – our purchase at the store that night was a box of pregnancy tests, a package of sausages to make the next morning, and a package of Nicoderm patches. Bruno’s dad had told us that he would quit smoking when we had a baby. We decided that we would tell his parents we were pregnant by giving him the patches. Not really the typical way you would tell your parents/in-laws you are pregnant – but we thought it would be funny and appropriate. Anyway – we just thought it was a hilariously odd combination of items to buy together at the store. Pregnant I was – the digital kit was positive. That’s the day I found out I was going to be a mommy. Though the ending was tragic, that day was a good day, and I’ll never forget it. I reflected on the anniversary of this day the other night, and it brought up some anger – that dreaded “WHY ME??”. Then the guilt seeps through in asking this question because I feel like it makes it seem as though I’m not grateful for what I do have – Lucia. I guess it goes back to the fact that no one could ever replace Marco. We are eternally grateful for Lucia, in a way that I can’t even describe. The loss of a baby however never goes away – because as we all know, it’s not just the loss of the baby, it’s the loss of so many things. Anyway – again, I could talk in circles about this all day! Speaking of being gratful for Little Miss Lucia – I've attached some updated pics. She will be 20 months next week – she is so full of life – it’s amazing! Marco – This day will always be a special one for me. I won’t ever forget that feeling I had when I found out I was pregnant with you. Your daddy and I reminisced about it the other night. We love you.