MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

IT WASN'T MORNING SICKNESS

To make a long story short – I did a pregnancy test Friday morning and it was negative. It’s ok though. I actually had a horrible stomach bug that morning so I wasn’t even too focused on the whole pregnancy thing (for once) – I just wanted to feel better. Of course when I first started feeling nauseous, I thought “hmmm, maybe I’m pregnant”. No such luck though – it was 4 hours of sickness not pregnancy related and it was nasty. Emotionally I’ve been feeling a little better these last couple of days (physically too) – a little more relaxed. We’ll see how long this lasts. It seriously is a rollercoaster this whole grief thing – sad, angry, hopeful, bitter, hopeless, anxious, content, peaceful, jealous – you name it, I’ve felt it in the last 4 months. I had a nice talk with my little angel Marco today in the car when I was driving home from work. I told him I love him and I always will. I told him that he’ll always be our # 1, but that we still long to be parents and hope to have another baby soon. I know that Marco would want this for us too and I do have faith - I'm holding on to faith right now. I wear a silver locket that Bruno got me for Christmas with Marco’s initials on it: MLB. We had a beautiful white mum plant on our porch this fall after Marco’s passing. Finally, when all the blooms started to die out, there was one that was still a beautiful white – hanging on. I waited a week or so and then when it finally started to turn purple on the edges – before it could die, I plucked it off. It’s now in the locket. I felt Marco’s presence in that one white bloom, so I thought it was perfect to put it in the locket that’s close to my heart. You live on in my heart my little man – always and forever!

  • Ugh...sorry that the sickies weren't the sickies you were hoping for.  I know that Marco would be proud to be a big brother.  I wish you the best as the days go by....keep us posted!

    Tracy

  • I'm sorry you weren't having the type of sickness we are longing to have!  But I am glad that you are feeling better.  It really is a rollercoaster of emotions, and it takes all kinds of unexpected twists and turns.  I'm glad you were able to talk to your Marco, I'm sure he is going to do everything he can to help you out.  Hugs!

    Stacy

  • The locket sounds so sweet. I am sorry your Marco can't be with you, & for the rollercoaster of emotions you are going through. I hope you get over your stomach bug soon.

    Kristina

  • I think of you, Bruno and Marco every day. I see his picture in my stained glass bedroom window amongst my willow angels.  He is the most handsome, sweet little angel...  I was thinking the other day of Marco, of how old he would be now and what he would be doing if he went to term and if things were different.  I imagine you have done the same, well you even wrote about it once.  Although my grief for Marco is nothing compared to yours and Bruno's, I grieve for him and so wish he was here.  I still remember the day he was born, seeing you holding him when they were wheeling you out of the NICU, his big (really little), blue baby hat, his sweet little face and body held against your chest.  Every night I pray that Marco is playing with other babies up there, and sending down blessings to you and Bruno.  I especially pray for a baby for you as I know how your heart, soul and body are longing.   I will also pray that you get really bad morning sickness for at least 3 months, and even for 4 months would be better!  I am sending stretchy baby dust to you.   Marco will always be remembered in our hearts and minds, we will never forget him.  

    I love you

  • im so sorry for all your heartache...sorry that the sickness was just a nasty stomach bug..im hoping that you get new happiness soon...you so deserve it and i know your lil Marco so wants to see you happy again...The locket sounds beautiful..bought tears to my eyes..your Marco will always be with you ...hugs...chantelle xx