MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

LAST WEEK HOME

First off...I have to just say that it was so wonderful to be at SU again this year. It was great to see all of you that I met last year and to meet new faces as well. It was like being at a weekend-long support group. It really helped re-charge my batteries to be around such strong women all weekend :) It was nice though to have the weekend of SU to spend time thinking about Marco. I definitely feel like I am in a much better place in general with regards to my grief. I think when it hits me most is when people ask me if Lucia is my first. I'm still working on what to say. Maybe I'll never come up with the "right" way to answer that question - what really is the "right" way - I don't know. It is hard sometimes to see little toddler boys too...I start thinking of what life would have been like if Marco would have been healthy and would have survived. Also, seeing Lucia grow and change every day sometimes makes me think of what we missed out on with Marco. I guess now it's a matter of learning how to integrate the loss of Marco into our life with Lucia here. Speaking of Lucia...this is my last week home with her before returning to work next week. I was originally going to go back on 11/1, but I just wasn't ready, so I took the full 16 weeks off and will now be returning on 11/22. I am REALLY not ready to leave her yet and am dreading next Tuesday. She'll be at a daycare center near my house and I know will be in good hands, but still...ugh...it's just hard. I think it would be better if I were returning to a job that I liked more...but that's a whole different issue altogether! The last 15 weeks have really just been like a dream. Yeah, they've been hard, but all in all it's just been totally amazing. So...that's about it for now. I hope to have more time on SHARE once I get back to work...that is if they didn't block the website. Thank you so much to all of you for always being there....you are truly a gift to me. Marco, I love you with all my heart. The butterfly that was given to me at SU last year is hanging up in Lucia's room. I know you are always in our hearts and are watching over us. I promise to do my best to make sure that Lucia knows all about her amazing big brother.

  • So great to see you, too, Libby. I'm glad you got to spend time with Lucia. I think going back to work would be hard even if you loved your job!

    It's nice to hear you are feeling more at peace with  Marco. I don't know how you can answer that question either. The wish that Marco would have been healthy and here is one I understand well. I'm glad that you the precious and beautiful Lucia to absorb some of the love you have to give to your children.

    I hope they don't block Share at work. They did at my job, which I think is very rude. There are those days when you just need the touchstone to stay on track.

    I hope the transition back to work goes well!

    Love,

    Shannon

  • I agree with Shannon, going back to work is hard no matter how you feel about your job. Good luck on Tuesday, hope all goes well and it isn't too bad to leave Lucia.

    Laura

  • Good luck going back to work, Libby.  I know it'll be hard, but you'll get through it and appreciate your time at home that much more!

    Let us know how it goes!

    Love,

    Megan.

  • Hopefully we will get to meet next year... But I'm glad you got to focus on Marco.

    I also don't know how to answer that question and it's the one that hurts me the most and has so many variable to it.... If I say no and am really tired then I will be crying in front of a stranger. If I say yes, I feel quilty and want to cry as well and other times I say yes and want to talk about it... But the person at the other end of the conversation doesn't want to... All variables you know as well.

    I hope your transition into work goes as smoothly as possible

  • Libby- it was so great to meet you at SU too!  

    knowing what to say when someone asks that dreadful question is difficult...and then even if you do plan something to say, that question usually knocks you off your feet (so to speak), and the 'right' words don't come out right.  

    That stinks about having to go back to work, it's so difficult.  I'm not thrilled with my job either, but the people there are great!  Still, it's hard- some things in life are put into perspective after a loss, and for me, my job is pretty low on that totem pole. :)

    i hope the transistion is easy for you, good luck. :)

    Jennifer

  • Ohhhh Libby!!!

    I remember the day I had to return to work!  I dreaded it, and cried my eyes out---and Ansley was staying with my aunt at her house!!!!  I hope that you'll adjust to things quickly and easily and that Lucia will make new friends at her new daily hangout!

    Hugs to you---and it was great to see you and meet Lucia at SU too!!

    Tracy

  • Libby:

    I agree, going back to work must be hard, I hope and wish that change is not so hard for you and Lucia....16 weeks had passed already? wow times fly.... should be like in Sweden or Denamark that maternity leave is 1 year..... with full pay.... maybe later you can get a part time job, or working at home...... but you will see it is only hard when they are babies, believe me when I tell you, that when they are older you will wish to go back to work, or just get out of the house for couple of hours without kids..... (I am trying to cheer you up!)

    Best of lucks.....

    Lorena

  • Libby, I so enjoyed seeing you again at SU:)  I'm glad that I was able to visit with you a bit and meet your little girl that Friday night.  She's adorable!

    Whew, deep breath.  You know, next Tuesday will be a new experience and there may be some tears when you leave if not as your pulling out of the daycare lot, BUT if you feel comfortable where she'll be during the day, both you and little Lucia will be okay.  It's going to be another routine that you will eventually adjust to.  It's going to be just fine:)  

    Does the daycare have an online thing where you can login and see her throughout the day?  Good luck next week.  Just a thought, maybe leave a little disposable camera for the gals to snap sweet pics of her.  

    Thinking of you,

    Lindsay