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HOT. The first word that I use to describe the yoga class I take. I’ve been going to a hot vinyassa flow yoga class once a week(ish) since I lost Marco (except when I was pregnant with Lucia). The heat in the room is enough to make you want to walk right out when you get there. Fast forward to now, 3+ years later, last night. I’m a little out of sync because I’ve taken a hiatus from yoga for the last month. Just haven’t been able to make it for some reason or another. It’s always just that much more challenging a practice when you have been on a break from it. Last night was no exception. It was a challenge. I don’t know if it’s because Mother’s Day is right around the corner, but my mind was heavily focused on my journey as a mother last night as I was sweating it out in class. I was thinking about the similarities between doing this practice and my journey as a mother. Doing this practice, especially the first 45 minutes or so takes so much out of you. It takes so much willpower to stay with it. I thought about how our grief journey is like this. It’s so hard. It’s uncomfortable. It is WORK…hard work. You keep going though. You breathe. In…out. Your breath helps you. Some poses you settle into and some are so uncomfortable that you start trembling. Sometimes it becomes so tough and you start trembling so much that you give in and take child’s pose on the floor. And that is ok. That is where you need to be at that moment. Just when you get into a good flow, maybe your wrist starts hurting and you lose your balance. Maybe you try a pose you’ve never tried before and you actually do it and feel stronger than you’ve ever felt before. When the practice is nearing its end and your heart rate slows a bit, you get flustered to remember that you still have to do half-pigeon on each side. Half pigeon hurts like hell, but you do it. You push through the pain and settle into the pose. You watch the sweat drip down and off your face onto your mat knowing that toxins are getting cleansed from your body. This grief journey is like no other journey I’ve been on. Nothing compares to it. My attempt at comparing it to 75 minutes of vinyassa flow yoga seems ridiculous really…but nonetheless, in my sweaty delirium last night, I did. We walk this journey. It is not all downhill. There are twists, turns. Just when we feel like we are starting to get more comfortable, boom, something throws us off. On the flipside, there are times when we fear we won’t be able to handle the grief, but then we pull through and we do it with grace. Practicing yoga last night in a room full of people gave me strength just as traveling this journey with all of you gives me strength. As Mother’s Day approaches, I want to extend my love to all of you incredible mothers here on Share. Beautiful, strong, amazing women, who I have the honor of knowing. May you all find some peace this weekend and know that you are never far from my heart. Marco…oh my love…thank you for making me a mother. Thank you for helping me get through that yoga class last night! Thank you for sending your sister here for us to make us smile and giggle. We love you so much, angel.