MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

LINEAR THINKING

In yoga on Monday, my instructor was awesome. She always is. She just says so many things that really make you think about life. I seriously think that she must have some type of background in social work, or maybe she has been through therapy herself, or maybe she’s just super grounded from her own life experiences. Whatever it is…she’s just so insightful. We were holding an uncomfortable pose and she was counting down from 10. She started scrambling the numbers when she got to 7 or so. She went down to 4, then back up to 5. With doing that, she asked us…what if we had to hold this pose for 24 hours, could we do it? She said that we are always so used to a “linear” way of thinking. Such as – “I can do ‘this’ if it only lasts ‘this’ long.” What if it lasts longer? How could I continue to do whatever it is and make it work for me, make it so I could stay in it? I started thinking about what she said in the context of my situation, being “stuck” in between the loss of Marco and conceiving again. I realized that I’ve been telling myself that I’m ok, assuming that this period will only last a certain length of time and that I will get pregnant again soon (first it was by May, then it was this summer, now it seems to be by Marco’s birthday/anniversary in October, next I’m sure it will be Christmas). I DO have faith that I will get pregnant again…but, what if I don’t in the time frame that I would like to? How can I make this time more comfortable for me and really live in it, be in it and just accept that this is where I am? Also, I know that being pregnant again will not erase this pain of my loss. I want children though, and I really feel that a new pregnancy will help with the healing. So much to think about. The hard part is putting this insight into practice. It’s a work in progress. :) The good news is that I am going to go to Share Union!! I didn't think I could go, but I’ve been able to work it out so that I can. I am so excited to meet face to face all of the wonderful people who I have come across on Share. :) I love you my Marco. My angel.

  • That is very insightful.  The hard part is definitely putting it into practice.  

    Woohoo!  I can't wait to meet you in Atlanta!  So glad you can make it.

    Hugs,

    Mary

  • Wow, yeah that is very insightful, it definitely is hard to think about the long term.  It's as if I tell myself that ok, I can make it as long as this month and then it will all be ok, only to get to that month and have to extend it even longer.

    OMG......YAY!!!!  I'm practically jumping up and down, I so cannot wait to meet you in October and can't wait to give you a huge hug!

    Stacy

  • I wish I could go to that yoga class. What a powerful message. I am in the same place you are with TTC and it's so difficult to be patient when every step seems filled with obstacles.

    Thank you for sharing this message. I needed to hear it.

    Shannon

  • This is an amazing message.  I seem to be unable to live in the moment...whether it is positive or negative.  I'm always looking for what's coming up and not appreciating the present.

    I truly hope that you can put this message into practice.  I think it will help with whatever path you travel.

    Best of luck,

    Megan.

  • Libby -

    I guess the thing different with our "pose" is that we have no choice but to hold it for the rest of our lives.  Like my yoga teacher will remind us - it's the mindset in how we hole the pose.  We can be so wrapped up in the uncomfortableness of the pose - or we can "breathe into it" and release the tension instead.  

    You are so grounded.  I am so thankful to listen/watch you grow from your experience with Marco's loss.  You motivate me - you remind me.  You are an amazing friend and I am so thankful that I met you --- even though I wish I never would.  :)

    -Zsuzsi

  • Woohoo on Shareunion!!!!  I'm so excited to meet you face to face and give hugs!!!

    As for the thoughts from yoga----now you have us all thinking!!!  I think I have areas of my life that I need to apply that to as well.

    Tracy

  • Your yoga teacher rocks.....  Marco helped you find her,.....that little angel....  

    Love you

    Lisa