Sometimes those moments are just sprung on us. The short version - oy. I'm sure you will have the opportunity, now that the door is open with this neighbor, to share more about Marco and his sweet life. You do justice to his memory every single day.
Oooooh momma, I'm walking those circles right there with you. It's complex upon complex when you miss your child just as they are... and just as all should have been. Right there with you.
It's a heavy responsibility to fit our child's life... their story into a sound byte when they aren't here to speak for themselves. I understand that "bad" feeling too...
This is a journey that seems always in process- it's exhausting.
This was a beautiful post, Libby. You're love for Marco is so evident. You are absolutely doing the best you can with the tools you've been given. Sometimes, you can tell the person asking the questions doesn't really want to hear the long story and it is up to you to decide if you're okay with the shortened version.
And yes, there are times when you'll question yourself and what you said.
You're human, you are an amazing mother to both of your children in only way you can be.
I don't see how we will ever be comfortable sharing these stories. No matter how you tell it, it will never be enough for someone else to understand ALL that you lost when Marco died. Anyone who has a heart could never hear the story and not feel like running away. God knows we've wanted to run away from the truth of our situations often enough.
The important thing is that the stories are told on our terms. Think of all the things people complain about with their living children without giving a second thought to the impression they are giving others. You're doing a great job sharing the memory of the boy you love.
Gosh Libby I don't know if there are even words in the English language that can adequately describe Marco's story. Or any of our stories for that matter. I love that Bruno was so open about telling you why he doesn't talk about Marco as often. I guess for most men small talk just isn't their forte. Gaining some insight into our husbands perspective on loss is always helpful. It makes complete sense.
I think often times we resist sharing our child's story for the sake of others. It's not only the fear of not being able to attach words to such a monumental part of our lives but always the fear of how others will react to our precious children. Living or not they are very much alive in our hearts and when someone does not accept them it is very painful. I fear that I will lose friendships for fear that they not accept her. I don't think this will ever be easy. Big Hugs to you.
I relate to your story so much as... We also had a boy with chromosomal abnormalities. I gave birth at 30 wks and he lived only a few year... A biological fluke like being hit by lightening they said...
It is true when you see your baby, you just want them to live but you also know how much pain they would be in, and wonder how much of a life they would have. I also grieve a healthy baby and when I finally do open up and share Barons story. It leaves me feeling uncomfortable. I always think I never can convey how much I loved him so it comes out akward and I often wonder the same thing. Have I done his story justice. Who knows how to navigate grief... It just plain sucks and it changes as we change ( for me anyways). I also understand the dreaded question are you trying again. I have come to realize the stigma associated with having one child. If only people could see our struggles and how it is just not so easy for everyone.
Wishing you peace and hope that your successful in trying again.
Libby, your posts are so warm and filled with so much love for your Marco. Not knowing how much to share depending on how much time the other person has can be difficult. It's happened to me where I've been interrupted and then felt horrible for telling at all. Being that this person is your neighbor and you will be seeing her again, hopefully she will remember and give you the opportunity to share more. I so understand your husband's point too where he only wants to share your son's story with those who are truly invested timewise. I think it's really sweet.
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs as these moments come up,
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