As life moves on you think so many what ifs. I wish I could take some of your pain away.
Thinking of you
I tell you...the older I get, the harder things seem to be for me. I thought things were suppose to settle down after a certain age. I hope that you find great things in your 30's!
I'm glad that you have found ways to participate in things without overdoing it.
I'm so sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed right now. Wonderful that you're countering the negatives with positives!
My eyes always seem to linger on little ones that I think are about the same age that my girls should be. Just watching their parents interact with them and wishing I was able to do that with my girls.
Tons of hugs coming your way!
Oh Honey, life becomes 'overwhelming' for everyone at some point or another. I remember when I turned 30 and when I turned 40 - there's something about those numbers that plays with your head. But, they are just numbers. I've been working on not dwelling on the negative myself. Read a great book about scientists who studied 'lucky people' and what made them that way. It all boiled down to your attitude. If you remind yourself, in the worst of times, just how lucky you are, then you bring more good luck to yourself. I'm so proud to see you say what has made you lucky in your blog. Tell that little negative voice in your head to go away, you have much more to appreciate and be thankful for than to worry yourself. I just know you will get through this, and life will present itself in a way that makes you happier. Having had Marco was 'lucky' even if only a short time. More will come your way sweetheart, just stay strong in your positive thoughts and take good care of yourself. Lots of Love, Uncle ~B~
I'm glad you were able to talk to your coworker, Libby. It's so hard to be around people who don't know the truth. Sometimes I'm still startled that people I've met in the past six months or so don't know I ever had children. It's weird and uncomfortable. I'm happy you don't have to feel that way any more.
I find that I miss my boys in new ways when I think about how old they'd be now if they were born when they were supposed to be. I'm sure that must have been hard at that dinner realizing that Marco would be a big baby boy by now :(
Thinking of you all the time.
Life is filled with flowers and $&%t. The flowers smell and look so much more pleasant than the %&it. (I know that's putting it mildly and doesn't even begin to describe it, but it's what I thought of when I read this last post) I love you Leeb, am here for you.
Happy belated birthday Libby. I turned 30 last year and I thought things would pretty much flow by then. At 30, I finally figured out what I wanted and now I can't have it. Urgh. I am glad that you were able to talk to your co-worker. I hope that she was understanding and appreciated you telling her of Marco. I know, sometimes when I don't say anything, I feel like I'm keeping it a secret or something. I hope that your new position is working out and I'm glad that you were able to have a good birthday.
I also found turning thirty difficult- it was almost like another reminder of how far our path is from where we thought we would be.
I'm thankful your co-worker knows about Marco and will be able to know the full you. I also find myself staring at little ones that are Akeelah's age.. stare in wonder and feel the ache you described. Watching others live our lives and it hurts.
My heart and thoughts are with you-
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