MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

PCOS

In an effort to find out why I’ve been having annoyingly long and irregular cycles since I delivered Marco, I recently switched OBs and had some labs done as well as a sono. Three findings have landed me with the diagnosis of PCOS: 1) elevated LH, 2) long/irregular cycles, 3) polycystic-looking ovaries. So, since we want to conceive again and since I feel like I’ve already given my body a fair chance at getting pregnant without medical intervention, Bruno and I have decided to intervene. I’m going to take Tamoxifen next cycle days 3-7 to give my ovaries a “boost” to ovulate. It’s apparently a 1st cousin to Clomid and works in essentially the same way. It sucks that I have PCOS. I know it’s common and isn’t the end of the world, but why do I have to be the 1 in 15 that has it? Why did I have to be the 1 in however-many-thousand to lose a baby to a rare, fatal, genetic defect? It was weird having a sonogram yesterday. The last time I had a sonogram was on October 6th, shortly before I delivered Marco. It was an ominous sonogram. Marco had always been very active in my belly, dancing and swimming around in the sea of my amniotic fluid. That morning though, he did not move much. He was still. He was tired. I knew. I knew my baby was going to be taken out of me that day. My sweet baby. I’m so sorry Marco that I couldn’t save you. I wish I could go back to that day, as painful as it was, and hold you one more time. Squeeze your little hand, kiss your face, feel your soft skin against mine.

  • Ugh!  Welcome to the PCOS club, it sucks!  So glad that at least your doctor figured out what your problem is and hopefully the treatments will work for you!  You know that you can get pregnant, because you've already done it so hang onto that and know it will happen for you again!  I know how hard it is to keep that faith though month after month.    Many hugs coming your way!

    Stacy

  • I'm so sorry about having PCOS :( it sucks that good people have to go through such heartache.  Please don't blame yourself for what happened; I know its easier say than done since there are times and when I also blame myself :(

    You know how good you were to your baby while he was inside you.  And you continue to show your love by writing about him to us; you are keeping his memory alive.

    hugs

    Trish

  • I'm so sorry that you've learned that you have PCOS, but at least you know now and can take steps to have a healthy pregnancy.  I wish the best for you and your family as I know that you're missing Marco terribly!

    Tracy

  • Libby -

    I looooovvvvveeee the picture you have up of Marco.  I have been reading so many of the blog posts on my phone that I don't remember ever seeing that picture of his little legs.  Sooooo cute.  

    Well, the mystery has been figured out.  I know you want to go about things naturally - letting your body do what it needs to do.  BUT at the same time, I completely understand the need to to get things moving.  

    It's not fair when presented with a magic pill that can help take us out of our hell - that we have to question ourselves.  Yes, yes - go for it.  Take the medication - do what you need to do.  I believe that whatever actions you take are the actions that were meant to be - we can't look back at things and wonder if we made the right decision.  The decision we made was right for us at the moment we made it and we need to remember that.

    So you are back in the ring -- yippppee!

    Remember to enjoy these last couple of weeks - drink lots of red wine for me.  Smile.  Laugh.  Giggle and remember Marco.  He will always be helping his mommy out....

    Love you-

    Zsuzsi

  • I'm glad that the doctors can do something to help. PCOS is so weird. I didn't know that you could develop it.

    Adding fertility challenges to the pain of Marco's death is the worst. Allow the medication to provide you with some hope. Clearly our bodies do not always behave how we would like them to!

    Hugs,

    Shannon

  • I just feel sad right now, reading your two most recent posts.  I'm glad you didn't throw the $5 smoothie, they are so damn expensive!!  I can't imagine choosing an urn for my baby.  I have been seeing a lot of butterflies flying around lately.  The other day, there were three monarch butterflies munching on my neighbor's grass seed.  All showing off their beautiful wings.  I imagined that one was Marco, one was Kim, and the third, I don't know who the third was.  They were beautiful.  I'm glad the doc did the sono and there is a diagnosis that can be managed and treated.  Am praying for you guys every day! It's thundering out big time....

    Love you