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Yep, my fear is peaking. I suppose it makes sense as I approach my 20 week ultrasound, coming up in just 23 days (but who's counting?!). That's when it all kind of hit the fan, so to speak, with Marco.
I haven't seen this little baby Sparky on sonogram since he/she was just a little bean at 6+ weeks. I am confident that the baby is growing, as my belly is expanding and I still feel pregnant...but you know...when you have had a pregnancy complication and/or loss, the reassurance that things are ok can really never come frequent enough.
Speaking of my expanding belly, I have had 2 friends on 2 different occasions in the last week make mention that they thought my belly was looking small. This does not sit well with me. These are good friends, and they have been very supportive of me. I am certain that they never would want to say something that would purposely heighten my anxiety. They mean well and I am not upset with them. But it's just not at all what I needed to hear. I don't want to hear any comment that makes it seem that I don't look like I'm exactly where I should be at 16+ weeks. But, you can't shield yourself from comments. You can't control what people say and what you hear.
This is just all so scary. It's such a long journey. I keep breaking apart the next 23 days in my head in different ways to see which way makes it seem the shortest... "just one more week until my next OB appointment, then it's just 2 weeks after that!" or "just 3 more Mondays from now and then I've almost made it!" or "by the time the next Pregnancy After Loss support group meets, I will have had my sono!" You know those little mind games you play with yourself when whatever you're waiting for can't come soon enough. But I know that whatever way I slice it, it's still 23 days until I will lay on that table and see Sparky on the sonogram screen. It'll seem long, but it'll be here before I know it. I am grateful that I have Lucia and Bruno here to help keep me centered, focused and distracted.
One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. I'll get there.
Marco, thank you for always watching over me as I continue to manage this hope and fear. You are with me every step that I take. I have been thinking about when I was at this point in my pregnancy with you, 16/17 weeks. It was July and we had just been to the beach. We had started talking about names for you and were so unaware of what was to come. I'm so thankful for those memories, my love.
You haven't left my mind. Had been looking for an update. I hope the next 23 days, 3 more Mondays, however your looking at it fly by! I hope and pray that you have a smooth sailing pregnancy. When I was preggo with Jadon I didn't look preggo at all then the 20 week hit am bam! huge preggo belly. I know the comments do not help but you hard doing amazing and we are all here cheering you on!
Thinking about you Libby. Hoping the time will go by fast for you so that you can see Sparky again soon:) You're doing great Libby! Can't wait to read the next update! Sparky is our ASU mascot:)
I can understand the fear that comes with the 20 week ultrasound. It's so hard to try and enjoy pregnancy in the days leading up to that big day. I remember not sleeping the night before that ultrasound with Macie and Trevor, as it's the point in my pregnancy with Nathan when everything fell apart. Try to remember to breathe and keep yourself distracted. I'll be thinking of you as you wait for this next big ultrasound. Sending tons of hugs.
I'm so sorry that your friends' comments hurt you. I was never very big with either of my pregnancies. My grandma, who had twelve children (TWELVE!) comment during both, near the eight month mark, "Lordy, Honey, are you sure you're due in just a few weeks. You're so small!" It was just the way I carried pregnancies.
I hope and pray that you get awesome, beautiful, good news in 23 days.
You are doing an amazing thing and I'm so glad that you have Marco, Lucia and Bruno on your side.
So much love to you,
thinking about you. I don't know what it's like to have a pregnancy after a loss but can imagine it can cause much anxiety. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way and many hugs. Sometimes people need to think before they talk not realizing how such a simple comment could cause such worry. Nicki
Oh no! Don't let the comments get to you, I am sure they didn't mean for it to be taken the way it did. But just keep in mind that you don't really SHOW until you are nearly 5-6 months. (Unless you are my sister and don't show until month 7 then BALLOON! Even after having kids they did this).
I am thinking of you and I know this isn't easy. But I am sure everything will be okay! I am praying for you to have a wonderful check up in 20 days and for a good and enjoyable pregnancy! BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL HAVE!!
Libby! It's been so long since I've been on Share. First - congrats on your pregnancy. Someone commenting on a prego belly tend to never turn out so good one way or the other. Oh! You're so big, or geez you're so small - yea whatever. How bout just a - yay! Like you're not worried already. Marco is traveling this journey with you, keeping an eye out for your little Sparky :) Shelley
Boy, am I behind on Share! Libby, congratulations!! I'm so happy for you, as I know you've wanted this pregnancy for a long time. I am wishing you all the best.
Congratulations! Keep us updated. So very happy for you!
We are here. Lean mama. When you're tossing and turning at 2am it's 9 here. You will find the way over these next 20... 19 now? Days to navigate them. I know you will. It's going to be hard and we're gonna be here for whatever you need.
One day.. When you need one breath at a time right?
Every pregnancy is different and people start showing at different times. Try your best to ignore comments like that, even though it sure can be hard!!! Keep going on your countdown, that's how I got through my pregnancy as well, with tons of milestones I was counting down to!
Continued blessings on your pregnancy journey, all will be well, you are in my prayers.
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