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In reflecting back on my pregnancy with Marco, I realize that I was stressed through most of it. I was on edge during the first 12 weeks because I was afraid of miscarriage (especially since there was some sketchy stuff with my beta hcg number and no heartbeat on the first sono). I did relax after week 12 though and I felt more blissful for a little while. There was a lot of anticipation at that point. Especially the anticipation of seeing my belly grow and feeling the baby move. I remember going to the pool one day when I was probably 16 wks or so pregnant. I still wasn’t showing much – but I was a little. I felt so proud – like a proud mother-to-be. I had my pregnancy magazines, snacks and a bottle of water with me. I remember wondering whether or not the girls in their little bikinis sitting next to me could tell that I was pregnant. I jumped in the pool when I was too hot to handle the late June sun. I felt weightless in the water. I’ve always heard that it feels great to go swimming when you’re big and pregnant. I remember feeling so ready and excited to get big. Even though we didn’t find out there was a real problem at the 18 wk sono, that’s when I started getting stressed about childcare. I started my quest for a good, but reasonably priced childcare center (not easy to do in the DC area). That kept me good and occupied for the next 4 weeks….which is when all the worry about the health of the baby started. For the next 5 weeks after that – it was week after week of stressful doctors appointments followed by 2 weeks of bedrest in the hospital. It’s been about 4 months now since Marco came into and went from my life too quickly. I think about him all the time. I feel my desire to get pregnant again getting stronger and bigger. I am trying to remain centered, but it is hard. I had a vision the other day of telling Bruno I was pregnant again and seeing him smile so big and hugging me. It was a wonderful vision. I know that getting pregnant again will bring a billion emotions. I will first just feel extremely blessed – but I know I will also feel nervous. I know that I will get through it though. Marco taught me how to be strong. Even in my darkest hour, when his precious life was slipping away, I know that Bruno and I were strong together and that God was with us. There are certainly minutes, hours and days when I am weak – but I pull through those times and smile and laugh again. It’s getting easier to smile and laugh now. Anyway – if I could get some baby dust sent my way, I’d be so grateful!! :) Thank you again for all the comments on my blog posts and for all the other women blogging their hearts out on here – it’s so nice to know that we’re not alone. I love you eternally my little man Marco.