It's a good thing that I didn't wear mascara today. I was driving, on my way to run some errands, and I found my mind drifting back to this time, this day, 5 years ago. I was thinking about the 13 days I spent in the hospital before Marco was born. Thinking about the ups and the down that we had in there. Thinking about the gravity of the situation we were facing. Thinking about the fear that filled our bodies from head to toe, only leaving room for the smallest amount of hope. Hope for what, we didn't really know. But I suppose it was hope for what any parent would want, which is at least some quality of life for their child.
I laughed a little as I thought about some of our funny moments while there, cooped up in our second home for those 2 weeks - feeling grateful that amidst the pain and fear we were able to find some humor. I was thinking of all the visits I had from family and friends. I thought about the one time that I was allowed out of my room to be wheeled outside by Bruno for a quick breath of fresh late September cool, muggy air.
So many moments we had during those 13 days. And then my mind inevitably drifted back to The Day. The day that Marco was born. I was thinking about the fact that he laid on my bare chest as he took his last breath and as his heart slowly stopped beating. The nurse would come in about every 10 minutes to check for a heartbeat. I was struck by how, even though he only took about 2 visible breaths on me, his heart continued to beat for about 40 minutes after he was taken off of CPAP. A strong little guy he was, indeed.
And then came the tears.
I needed this moment today. I needed to remember those moments today.
Marco - Tonight as Thank you for the gift of these memories today. They will forever be locked away in my mind - etched in my heart - never to be forgotten. I went in to give your sister one last kiss before your daddy and I went to bed, she awoke and opened her eyes. She shined her bright smile, and said "stay with me, Mommy". And so I did. And as if you whispered in her ear to do so, she looked at me and reached for my arm, and stroked it with the sweetest of touches, as if she were comforting me.
I think some time those moments are very much needed. For me those moments let me know that I wont forget, that I can't. That has always been a huge fear of mine, that I will forget. Many many hugs to you!
I too am beginning the weeks and days leading up to Arianna's first and final moments on this Earth. There is always something bitter sweet about these memories. Sending you, Lucia and Bruno lots of hugs as you remember your precious Marco.
Libby, I am sending you love and hugs as you remember your sweet son. All the days of his pregnancy, hospital stay, and conversations with hubby must all be coming back and flooding your mind and heart. I love that Lucia was able to comfort you so though she may not know it. I love that angels seem to send us love and gentle reminders that they are forever with us when the pain tends to hit hard all over again.
Remembering your sweet Marco and sending you all love,
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
Privacy, Terms, and Notices
© Privacy, terms and notices