MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

SANDALS

It was really a beautiful day today. I think it may have gone up to 70 degrees. The sky was perfectly blue. There was only the slightest hint of a few clouds – but you couldn’t really tell unless you stared straight up at the sky. I went out on my break today to sit out next to the pond near my work. I laid down on the pathway there and looked up at the sky. It felt good because the ground was so warm. I thanked Marco for the beautiful weather. Since it was so nice out, I got out a pair of sandals for the first time this year to wear. I bought them last summer when I was pregnant. These sandals walked me to a lot of very painful appointments. I specifically remember that I was wearing them the day we got the devastating news that Marco had multiple anomalies and subsequently had the amniocentesis done. I remember the amnio like it was yesterday. I had a glaze over my face…did I really hear what they just told me? Was my baby’s life at risk? Would he suffer? What were we going to do? How could this happen to us? Bruno and I squeezed each other’s hands while they poked the long needle into my belly. Tears flowed as they sucked into a syringe the fluid that my sweet baby had been swimming in. These are such painful memories. I still find myself trying to grasp what happened last year with Marco. Sometimes I feel like I’ve accepted it and then other times I just feel like I can’t accept it. I’m still keeping the faith that there are better days ahead – that’s what I have to tell myself. One day at a time, one minute at a time. I wish I could have taken you for a walk today Marco – I walked with you in my heart instead.

  • I'm so glad you had a beautiful dyay today.  So sorry those sandals bring back bad memories, and sad that you have those memories in the first place.  I feel the same way sometimes, sometimes I accept it, other times it's impossible to accept.  One more breath at a time.  I wish you could hold him in your arms as well instead of just in your heart.

    Stacy

  • Libby, Bruno and Marco... that's a family of literature worthy names! :) I love em.

    I hope we both keep believing that there are better days ahead.  I hope that survival will turn into something else, I don't know what, something a little easier, with more lasting peace.

    Marco is with you, I do believe that.

    Abra

  • You are so right, one day at a time. You are doing wonderful, remember that we are always here for you.

    Katie

  • I'm glad the weather was so beautiful for you today!!  Something about nice warm weather makes things a bit more bearable.

    Tracy

  • You are so strong.  I will admit that your last line brought tears to my eyes.  

    Libby-

    Yes, yes...there are better days ahead.  THERE HAVE TO BE RIGHT!!!?  I am right along there with you with the faith.  

    Glad you had such a warm day.  

    Thanks for writing to me.  I loved your long email and I am going to email you back...right now.

    -Zsuzsi

  • I LOVE LOVE LOVE your last line!  You are strong and keep that faith that better days are ahead!

    Amelia

  • Leeb,

    Thank you for posting your private thoughts, feelings and dreams.   I am praying for you and Bruno every day, for a healthy baby in the near future.  I also pray for little Marco, little stinker, up in Heaven.  Keep the faith, keep breathing, keep blogging.  

    I love you,  Lisa