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I have these shackles that I wear. They're around my neck. It's a necklace with a St. Gerard charm. He is the saint of fertility. On it, it reads, "ST. GERARD PRAY FOR US". On the necklace, there is also a charm with Lady of La Leche ,and that one reads "LADY OF LA LECHE PRAY FOR US". My oldest sister, Lea, received it as a gift from her mother-in-law when she was trying to get pregnant about 16 years ago. Shortly after Lea started wearing it, she got pregnant. Her son, Timmy, is now 14 and an awesome kid. He will be starting High School in the fall and will be playing the saxaphone in the marching band - very exciting (sorry - proud aunt moment)! Lea wore the charms again when she got pregnant with her daughter, Katie, now 12.
Lea was done having kids after Tim and Kate. She passed the charms to my cousin who had been married for quite a while, and who hadn't been able to conceive after years of trying. Sure enough, shortly after she started wearing the charms, she got pregnant with her daughter.
After my cousin had her baby sent it back to Lea. St. Gerard and Lady of La Leche sat for some time - years - on her dresser. Until my sister Lisa was ready to start trying for kids. Just about 2 months after Lisa donned the necklace, she conceived her oldest son, Cristian.
It wasn't long after Crsitain came along, and I was ready to start tying for kids. So the necklace got passed along to me. Thinking back, I now realize that if I was wearing the necklace when I got pregnant with Marco, that means that Lisa wasn't wearing it when she was pregnant with her second son, Sebastian, as we were pregnant with Marco and Sebastian at the same time - just a month apart. I think she may have had another charm that she had gotten from her mother-in-law. But I digress. Four months after I started wearing the charms, I was pregnant with Marco. I wore them throughout the pregnancy. Well, we all know how that turned out.
Still convinced that I should wear the charms while trying to conceive, I wore them when I was trying to get pregnant with Lucia.
Fast forward to now. So - I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a very superstitious person - but there is a part of me that believes in these charms, these saints. A part of me that desperately WANTS to believe that if I just wear them long enough, it'll WORK and I'll get pregnant again.
But in all honestly, they are like shackles. They are like a constant reminder of what is NOT happening. I can't even say I've been "trying" to get pregnant for the last 2 years, because I really haven't had many chances to try - thanks to my body being completely screwed up and basically anovulatory, no cycles, whatever you want to call it. So, instead of saying that I've been trying for 2 years (or just under 2 years), I can more accurately say that we haven't been avoiding pregnancy for that time frame. There was the pregnancy this February - it did give us a boost of hope - but it's still hard for me to even consider that a pregnancy since I literally started spotting/bleeding the day I found out I was pregnant, and by later that week, I knew it was over.
I have taken the charms off a number of times over the last 2 years - for a period of time each time. Thinking "maybe if I DON'T wear them, I won't be thinking about it as much and I'll get pregnant!" Nope. Wrong. So then I put them back on, thinking - "ok, I'll just put them back on and it'll WORK this time". Nope. Wrong.
Now look - I know - I know that the majority of the human race that gets pregnant does it without wearing this charm necklace. I know.
But, nonetheless...I'm currently wearing them. I feel like I can't not wear them. I don't even like taking them off temporarily right now. I feel like they are the hope that I need. That if I take them off again, it's giving up on hope. And I'm not anywhere close to giving up at this point. I do have hope - even if at times it's hard. But sheesh - how long do I have to stay shackled to these charms? I want to be able to take them off and be free - but I just can't right now.
St. Gerard...Lady of La Leche...are you up there?? Are you here?? Lucia would sure love a little sibling - a little playmate - a co-pilot. She's ready. Bruno and I would sure love another little one in this house - another little being to nurture and raise - to sing songs with and play games with. We're ready.
Marco - I don't know where we are headed, all I know is where we are now. Yes, we are happy right now, and are so in love with our little ray of light, Lucia. We would also love to be able to bring another baby into the world. Maybe you can have a little talk with St. Gerard and/or Lady of La Leche for us???
I have a St Gerard necklace too and had it with me while trying to conceive and during my pregnancy with Maddox. I know that feeling of believing that the necklace will make everything turn out the way it should. I also know the feeling of when it doesn't do what it is supposed to do. Mine sits in a box with all of his things as we are not trying to have another baby right now. But...I'm sure it will come back out when we are ready. Good luck to you on getting Lucia a little brother/sister! I'm sure Marco will do his best to help.
This post has so much beauty within it. I don't have a large or very close family and hearing about yours and how incredibly supportive and close you are by not only sharing this charm but obviously being so open with each other is truly incredible. I hope that soon St. Gerard and Lady of La Leche hear your pleas and bless you and Bruno (and Lucia) with a co-pilot. Sending you lots of baby dust and prayers.
I was once told that if I slept with a baby outfit in between my mattress I would get pregnant. I tried it. I am not crazy. I wasn't crazy. You aren't crazy! You have this secret called "hope". For some reason I read posts on here and seldom shed a tear, I am numb. But today, you got me Libby. I shed a tear for you. I hope that it works until then I'll talk to your saints for you! After all I was born Catholic and named after St. Therese, I might have some pull! seriously... anything to try for you my friend! Praying for a baby for you! Hugs to you, I'm sure you're tired of the shackles, seen and unseen. Until then we hope not just for you and Bruno but for Lucia!
Many many hugs to you!
Libby, I am continuously keeping you in my thoughts and holding on to hope for all of you:) Keep doing what you do and know that many are wishing you baby dust:)
Hi Libby -- what a beautiful post. I hope this treasured symbol of hope brings you much love and joy.
Libby, I love this post. I am Catholic, I have a big Catholic family, but I have never heard of praying to St. Gerard for Lady of La Leche! I am amazed while reading this post and learning the history of the charms for your family.
As the other friends have said, you are not crazy at all! We have to cling to hope at all times, and the charms are a symbol of that hope. I pray that Lucia has a co-pilot soon!
I know all about these shackles. I went through five years of "if I just do this ..." All I can say is I'm sending all my love to you.
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