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I don't remember much about this time 6 years ago other than that Bruno and I were in pain.  Our hearts were shattered into a million pieces.  I believed that we'd be able to mend our broken hearts, but I didn't know how or when.  I didn't know what a mended heart would look like for me.

I can now say that 6 years later, I see my heart, and it is mended.  Is it the heart that I once had, before our lives changed and we lost Marco 6 years ago?  No.  It's not a new heart, nor is it untainted as it was before it was shattered.  It is mended.  That means that the stitching is imperfect.  The hem may be off a bit.  You can still see some of the cracks where the pieces were crazy glued together.  Some of the glue has dripped from the cracks too.  And there are still a few holes here and there.

But despite the areas of visible crazy glue and imperfect stitching, this mended heart is able to fill itself with joy and love these days.  It beams when I see the perfect smiles on my girls' faces.  It glows each time I get to kiss them goodnight.  Sometimes I can't believe that I am where I am now.  

Marco's 6th birthday/anniversary was Oct 6th.  I was grateful to still be on my maternity leave that day.  I am now in a place where I have more realistic expectations of what Marco's birthday day is for us every year.  If Bruno has to work that day, or something doesn't go quite right or as planned, I know that it is ok and doesn't mean that we still can't have a meaningful celebration of Marco's life.  This year, Lucia went to school and Bruno went to work, and I took Annabelle to the neighborhood where I grew up.  We had a lovely day walking around the neighborhood.  We talked to a few people, and even ran into an unexpected high school acquaintance.  In the evening, we all went together to the soccer field behind our house to release a balloon for Marco followed by dinner and brownies.

While yes there was a piece of my heart that was sad, I have to say that the overshadowing emotion was gratefulness.  Grateful for all my children and for so many things.  There was a real sense of peace this year on Marco's day.

For that, I am grateful.

Marco - the years put more distance between our now and when you were actually physically with us.  However, you remain a constant in our lives.  You remain in our now-mended hearts every day.  When I see your beautiful sisters smile, I see you smile.  I know you are with us always.  We love you, our sweet boy.