Nothing new here - just wanted to take a moment to inhale and exhale and state the obvious - time FLIES.
It seems that I'm now coming out of what was a bit of a winter fog. It was a long, hard winter, and I got in the mindset of just wanting it to be OVER. And now that it is, as I knew it would be eventually, I have knocked some sense back into my brain to return back to the here and now. Take it all in. Stay in the moment, to make the best out of this gift of time, to increase my ability to cope with anxiety and stress. Re-focus.
Lucia is growing FAST - shocker, I know ;)
I don't want to look back and wish that I had savored more of the tender little moments that she creates. There are plenty of frustrating ones, yes, but so many are tender. And that is part of it too - being OK with getting frustrated. So often, because of our journey I suppose, I find myself feeling guilty admitting that parenting a toddler is very trying at times. But it is...it just is. Just because I wanted this little girl so very badly doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to lean into the fact that it is hard work.
So again - I inhale - exhale - and I take it all in...
All of her smiles and giggles, her fierceness, her love of cereal, her ability to talk to me and sing songs, her little voice asking "can I play outside for a little bit?" every. single. time. we pull onto our street, her defiance when she has her mind set against mine, her beautiful wispy long hair, her comfort with and love of our dogs, her warm little body cozying up to ours every morning when she climbs into bed with us, the sound of her sucking her little thumb...
It's all so amazingly sweet, and I'm so grateful.
So that is all - that is where I'm at right now - wanting to just blog-it-out - process the re-realization that I need to do better at staying in the moment - and knowing that if I drift off away from it, it's ok, as long as I return back, back to the moment, it's all good.
Marco - Thank you for helping your mama remember to stay in the moment (or return to it if I've drifted off) - to be present. You are a gift to us all by reminding us that our time here is very precious.
I find myself doing the same thing. At night as i am laying in bed i think yo myself how much time did i spend enjoying my time with colin. Playing with him. Did i take time to enjoy the day. And usually feel guilt when i realize not enough as i should have...as angel moms i think we know how much more precious our living children are and feel guilt when we get frustrated with them, but they can be trying!
Ahhh.....staying in the moment......that illusive goal for most of us! I'm glad that you're finding a way to do that now that the freezing temps are letting up a bit. Winters are so hard!! I can't believe that Lucia is getting so big...so fast!! I seems like just yesterday, we were meeting her for the first time. Time does pass by so much faster now that we're parents than when we were wishing our life away as kids.
Those pictures are beautiful!
I think sometimes we all need to take a minute and acknowledge that yes, we wanted this mommy gig but it's so, so hard sometimes. And it's okay to admit that. Admitting it doesn't make any of us less awesome mothers. It just gives us a chance to admit that sometimes it's not all sunshine and roses. We love our kids with all our hearts even when there are moments when we just wish they'd go do sleep and stay asleep for a few (eight?) hours.
I'm glad you reminded us to be in the moment. I know I need that reminder every so often.
Lucia is so beautiful, just like her mommy. I can almost see Marco over her shoulder in this pictures, loving her in that very moment, just as he loves you.
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