MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

SWAYING

I caught myself swaying today. I was standing up chatting with a coworker and suddenly realized that I was intently swaying from side to side – the way a mother would with a baby in her arms. I’ve always had the sway – I’m not a stand/sit still kind of girl. Before Marco's life slipped away from me, I liked the fact that I swayed – I thought it was a sure sign of good, motherly instincts. Today though, it was just a reminder of how empty my arms are. It made me feel sad that I never will get to sway Marco in those arms. I find myself swaying figuratively as well these days. I’ve been swaying back and forth over the last few days as to whether or not to do a pregnancy test. I’m on day 41 now. While every day that I don’t get my period is a sign that I may be pregnant – it’s also a sign that my body may just not be doing what it’s supposed to – after all, I don’t even know if I’ve ovulated yet. The suspense is killing me. I don’t know if I’m prepared to do a test only to just see one little lonely pink line there. If I wait until Friday like I want to, the anticipation will be so much more and therefore the chance for a let down if negative will be higher. I tell myself now that I’ll be able to handle a negative result if that’s what the outcome is. I don’t know though. Of course, now that I think about it – after going through the horrible loss of Marco, I guess I can handle more than I thought. On my walk today after work with my dogs, I happened to see the couple on my street that just had a baby in November through their window. I just saw the top of their heads and kept walking – but it made me think. Is their typical evening as special as I picture mine and Bruno’s would have been with Marco? Does he come home and shower their baby with kisses as I know Bruno would have done with Marco? I can only try to remain hopeful now. Hopeful that some day Bruno will get to come home and shower our baby with kisses after a long day of work. Hopeful that some day I will be able to sway our baby in my arms. I love you my angel baby Marco – always.

  • I catch myself swaying too.....  I hope that the test results will turn out the way that you're hoping.  You deserve the best!!

    Tracy

  • I hope your results are positive ones & your wish comes true. I'll try to send some positive thoughts your way. :)

    xoxo

    Jessica

  • I'm sorry you don't have your little Marco to sway with you in your arms :( .  You sound like you're more patient than me with the testing, I couldn't wait that long!  I hope that your body has kicked into gear and sending you lots of baby dust!

    Stacy

  • hi i wish you all the luck when you do the test! I feel for ya heaps i havnt started to try yet we lost our Brianna Rose 7 weeks ago but my husband would love to try again soon and im sure i will be exactly like you are take care your in my thoughts xAmy

  • I hope day 41 is just the beginning of your much wanted baby.  

    Keeping you in my thoughts....

    Cathy

  • Hang in there, we are here. Keep us posted on the test.

    Katie

  • We're all rooting for you!  The wait is excruciating, but I think your body will know when it's ready.  Good luck with your test...we are all here to listen...whatever the outcome!

    Take care of yourself,

    Megan.

  • If you are not pregnant this cycle, you could use ovulation prediction tests to accurately predict your fertile days. I ovulate late in my cycle, and used them when we were trying. I never had trouble getting pregnant, it was staying that way I had trouble with.

    I hope to hear happy news from you soon. Good luck!

    Kristina