Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the temperature was very comfortable.
Today the pope was here in DC, at my Alma Mater, The Catholic University of America. I don't honestly know much about him, but I did watch some of the television coverage, and it was clear that he is a man who brings with him a message of humility, love for all humanity and love for the beautiful world/environment in which we live. It was moving to see so much love and excitement being shared at a time where there is so much greed, terror and hurt. And it was cool to see him riding his popemobile around the campus where I spent 4 years of my life!
Today, because the pope was in town, my mother had a off work (much of DC was closed off), and because she had off she came out to spend the day with Annabelle and me. We talked, we had lunch outside by the lake, we watched TV, we played with the baby. It was wonderful.
Today my anxiety is better than it was on my last post. For that I am grateful. I have learned the hard way that just because my anxiety is in check today doesn't mean it will be tomorrow. I don't know that it's something I'll ever "get rid of". Rather, it is something that I will continue to have to manage throughout my life. So since this isn't guaranteed tomorrow, today I am celebrating and enjoying having a period of low anxiety.
Today marks 6 years since Bruno and I drove to the hospital to have me admitted on bedrest until Marco's birth. We didn't know how long that would be, but at 27 weeks, we knew it could mean up to 10 weeks. Six years ago today, I was completely lost. We had been given a second-opinion that was even worse than we thought. We were given the choice to "let nature take its course" since the prognosis seemed to be so poor, or to be admitted on bedrest if we wanted Marco to have a fighting chance. Our guts and our hearts steered us to the latter choice. My mom and I reflected back on this day in 2009 today, and I told her that I'm so glad we made the choice we did that day, as I know we would have been haunted forever with the "what ifs" if we did not give Marco a chance at life. The choice we made 6 years ago today is what gave us the gift of the few short hours we had with Marco alive.
Because of my today 6 years ago, my today TODAY is filled with more gratitude than I can put into words. Today I had to make 3 attempts to get Annabelle to sleep in her crib at bedtime before she stayed asleep. And after that, I had to go upstairs twice to comfort her when she was crying. And it was my sweet big-little girl Lucia, so in love with her little sister, who came downstairs to tell me, as I sat here trying to finish this post, "Mommy, Annabelle's crying". Today I had to threaten my 4 year-old Lucia to GO. TO. BED. about 20 times before her beautifully imaginative and free-spirited mind finally allowed itself to shut down for the day. Today, as I finally get to finish this post, I am moved by the gift of all three of my children, living and dead. How grateful I am for my little squirmy worm Annabelle - this new little life that has graced our world and who can make my heart leap a thousand times with just one smile. And for her big sister Lucia who seems to be getting cuter by the day, if that is even possible (as evidenced by the fact that when Bruno and I were attempting to give her a "stern talking to" about something today, we both had to turn our heads to laugh at just how cute she was being despite her naughtiness). And for my amazing angel Marco, who made me a mother and taught me about the immeasurable love a mother has for her child.
Marco - without you, my today may have just ended with a grumpy and tired me, complaining about how long bedtime took. Don't get me wrong, I am human, and I certainly complain. But Marco, you have taught me to see beyond the grump and fatigue. You have taught me to appreciate each and every moment with your beautiful sisters - even the ones that are frustrating and challenging. And for that, I am so grateful. Thank you for always shining your love on us Marco and for making my today what it was, and for giving me the gift to see so much beauty. I love you, my amazing son.
What a beautiful post, Libby. Being able to see past the grumpiness and see the joy, the blessing is such a great thing. I know it doesn't mean you wouldn't give just about anything to have Marco here to talk sternly to too but I also know that you are amazing for being grateful for what you do have, what you did have with him.
Your girls are so lucky to have you as their mama and Marco as their big brother.
Beautifully written! I often have those days myself when I think about Sean and his brothers. Thinking of you!
This is beautiful. Really notes the difference in how you see things after you have both an angel baby and a rainbow baby. I am glad you had a wonderful day and were finally able to reflect on it once they all settled down.
Love and Hugs
Such perfect words.....Hugs to you !!
I feel the love in your posts Libby. I am so happy that you had a great day on this particular day. Sometimes it's so hard to see past tomorrow let alone six years later. Both of your little girls are being well looked after by their big brother. Keep taking lots of sibling pics:)
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