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My thoughts are jumbled tonight, so this is going to be short – but I still feel compelled to write. When I first started this blog – I was “hospitalized and confused”. I’m no longer hospitalized, nor confused. I’m home and a mixture of sad, hopeful and anxious. I’m sad that my little Marco is not at home with me right now laying on my chest as I rock him and sing to him. I’m hopeful that I will have a healthy baby in the near future, and I’m anxious thinking about when that “near future” is going to be. I’m very aware that being anxious (by anxious, I really mean impatient) about getting pregnant is not going to help me in the least achieve pregnancy – so I’m trying not to be…it’s just so hard. I can’t stop wondering “When am I going to ovulate? Will I ovulate?” I've read that the word used to describe the one-sided, lower abdominal pain that some women experience when they ovulate is "mittelschmerz". I felt it last year when Marco was conceived. I'm waiting for it now - I don't know if I'll get that pain this time when I ovulate though - so we'll see. I just hope that I’m blessed enough to get pregnant again AND that the next baby is healthy. This feels like a lot to ask, but I will keep praying that it comes true. Recently I’ve been reading a lot of the other blogs on SHARE. I find comfort in realizing that so many women write things that I think and feel too. I’m just so grateful for this site – there are so many strong women on here just pouring out their emotions. Thank you everyone for being so open – which inspires me to be open. I love you Marco - my little angel baby.